Where to go from here?

[beth_67]

As I have posted before my family has had problems getting back in church after my son's terrible car accident. I have also had to care for my parents, which my mother has had seven hip surgeries in the past year and half. Last week we took my mom to church :) It was hard to go back in there after everything that had happened and my son even went :D The problem is, the pastor is kind of withdrawn with me and had prayed that if there is anyone there hindering the church remove them. The church really hurt us during my son's accident and my mother's illness. We received anonymous letters, which I know came from my best friend in school. She is constantly discouraging me about the church and is one reason we have stayed out. On the outside appearance she is very overly supportative of people, but then she talks about them behind their back. This is the same as she did with me. I admit to having been drawn in to the gossip before, but I want to change. I emailed the pastor and apologized for everything and the bitter feelings I have had and haven't got response. This family is pretty much the congregation of the church. Is it time to move on and look for another church or stick with it? :confused: I have prayed about it, but would appreciate your prayers and responses.

[Mustang30]

Beth:

First of all, I was scanning briefly over some of your other postings and you and your family have been through so much. I want to send you a big :hug: . I am sorry that you have had so much come at you. Personally, I think it is time for you to consider going to another church and getting a fresh start. The church you are at presently seems unable to get past the past hurts and bitterness at this point in time. To continue going there is to continue being reminded of all that has gone wrong. I think church is a place where we go for encouragement, to worship, and feel acceptance. To go to a church that is not able to give you these things will only result in a strained relationship with God and yourself.

You sound like you did the right thing and genuinely asked for forgiveness. What decision is made by the pastor and his family is up to them for now. There is nothing you can do outside of hope and pray to make them move on and forgive past grievances. If they are unable to forgive, then that is really something that you have no control over.

This is my advice. My DH and I have had ALOT of problems with finding a good church and now we have finally found one. But it took alot of pain and misery to get there. But it was so much better when we started off at a new church and tried to do was right. It has made such a difference in our lives.

I hope you find the peace you seek and that you are able to find a church, whether it be your current church or a new one, that you are comfortable worshipping at.

SIncerely
Mustang30

[Mykhal Jaems]

I have always believed that we are all struggling in this world. Of course we are not perfect. If we were we wouldn't need forgiveness.

My beliefs in Jehovah God are what I hold on to.

Those in the congregation who have slighted me, are also imperfect just like me.

When I have thoughts about leaving have to ask myself is it b/c of the beliefs of the church or is it b/c of the people who are like me, imperfect, and working to improve?

I know from personal experience that this is hard to get past, especially when someone is a backstabber. I have faith that God will help this person change OR remove the problem I have.

I view it more as a test from Satan and pray for endurance and strength so that I don't let the situation get me down.

I don't know if this has helped or not. If you decide to leave, pray that God helps you find a new church. That someone will help you ... he works in wonderful ways. The answer may knock on your door, you may not have to go anywhere.

MJ

[ofgrace]

Beth,
I agree with Mustang 30 perhaps its time to look for another church. I too looked back on previous posts to try and understand where you were coming from. It sounds like your heart is in the right place. There was one thing that Mustang 30 said that I hope you will really ask yourself. Is your relationship with God being hindered by this church? I know what your pastor said about removing anyone who is hindering the church but I wouldn't think from what you've told us that that is you or your family. But the bigger question is are they hindering you.
I ask this because my family too left our church a year ago, we had recently moved to this town and joined a church which seemed much like our old church and very friendly. Then after a year into it we felt overcome with what seemed to be a lack of grace from the pastor and elders familys. They spoke highly and correctly of Gods grace but certainly didn't practice it. There started to be alot of accountability practices we were uncomfortable with and I began to get paranoid everyday all day as to whether I should be doing this and that in my daily life even things like when I clean my home. Its sounds crazy I know but it happened then I believe God showed me I was so focused on "everyone" else that my relationship with him was being blocked. I knew then we could no longer worship there. There were also some doctrines with this denomination I had never really understood and come to terms with either. This was also another deciding factor as well as all the other junk. And there were others who had left because of some of the same paranoia issues. Anyway there was plenty there to help us decide to leave. We now are working towards learning to trust again in another church. Were not all comfortable yet but are trying because we know that God is with us. Our relationship with God is the most important thing for us but we haven't forgotten that the next step is to love others too. I couldn't stay in a church that doesn't have much compassion and forgiveness for others. We are all indeed sinners, for it is not by works but by faith. And I believe true faith brings about works, those kind of works that show compassion, forgiveness and love towards those that need it. I will pray for you!

[JoRaeMi]

Beth,
I'm sorry you are having problems with your church.
Personally, I am a very spiritual person, but I don't like churches. I don't like the politics involved, I dont' like the guilt and abuse that goes on(I've experienced that first hand), I don't like the pressure to tithe. Well, the list goes on and on.
ANyway - my point being that I don't feel like I have to go to church to have a relationship with God. If you DO feel that way and have previously found church to be a comforting and supportive place(i do not), then I would suggest you find a different one than the one you are attending now.
I think God is A-OK with whatever makes you feel comfortable and happy inside.
Hugs,
Jo

[NeNe]

This church sounds just like the one I used to go to. Everyone in it was kin in some form. They fought like cats and dogs about everything. The only time they were christians was when they were judging other people and looking at their faults. I finally got enough and stop going to church altogether. And when I did the preacher called to tell me that God had chosen this church for me and I shouldn't turn my back on it. That my prayers wouldn't reach past the ceiling. Well, he was wrong. I find God in my backyard or while I'm driving or painting and he never leaves my side. I've been blessed many times over since I stopped going to that church. I don't go to any church now, and that is not to say it is right but I feel it is right for me. My advice to you is find another church to go to where people aren't judgemental and the preacher is understanding. He is the one that leads the flock and if he can't do right by one and all then he needs to look at why he became a preacher. Judge not, and be forgiving........