Help, how do you get a 5 year old to sleep in his own bed?

[Poppie]

:rolleyes: I am ashamed to admit this, but our grandson sleeps with us. He says he is afraid of the dark. :confused: We are at a loss as to what to do. We never let our kids sleep with us. We have put a nightlight in his room, I have laid down with him till he fell asleep and he just won't stay in his bed. Does anyone have any ideas. Poppie

[Sofina]

Hi Poppie,
This is tough. We were softies and let them sleep with us...big mistake. But when it came time to move them we did the sitting by the bed thing and then when they would get up, had to be very strong and make them go back to their own bed. I believe we did the thing of sitting by the bed and then moving further and further away as they got better at accepting being in their own bed. Lots of "friends" in the bed helped too.
Another thing that helped I think was putting on some soothing music in a tape recorder. We loved Michael Card's Sleep Sound in Jesus. My girls are grown and still love that tape. I know there are newer ones that are peaceful, lullaby types.
I wish you luck, this is one that will take some patience and perseverance. He will try you until he learns you won't give in.
:) Sofina

[Canadian Girl]

(((Poppie))) Please don't be ashamed about this. We love our children/grand-children the best we can.

I remember sleeping with Grand-Mother until she passed away, when I was 8 years old!!! This happenned simply because I used to have terrible, recurring night-mares and would wander to either sleep with my parents or with my grand-mother. When my brother out-grew his crib, my mom decided that the best we could do was to move me with my grandmother, considering I rarely spent a whole night in my bed. When grand-ma left us, I just naturally took over the whole bed for myself and do not remember any issues from having so much time sleeping with an adult.

My DD is now 10 yo. She has a room of her own. She even has a choice of sleeping arrangements in that room: there is her loft bed, which is her "real" bed, and two chairs that transform into a bed undeneeth that loft bed. Still, there are lots of nights where she opts to sleep with her grandmother. We call her our nomad... and hope that, one of these days, she'll settle down into one of those beds.

I think that, in these matters, it's important to know why the child opts to sleep with an adult:

Is it due to the child having nightmares or insecurities?
Is it because the child misses the adults during the day and makes up for it at night?
Is it simply because, as is the case with my DD, because the child likes change... or dislikes change if he's always slept with you?


That said, there are ways to encourage a child to sleep in his/her own room. These range from making the room appealing, ensuring that the child is secured, that he knows you're near-by, etc. You may also want to implement a "rewards" program: if your grandson sleeps in his own bed for most of the night for a week, he gets a special treat.

Good luck!!!

[Marion]

Our daughter was a bit younger but she wouldn't stay in her bed or bedroom. We did the same as Sofina - we just put her back in, as calmly as possible, and just kept doing it. We didn't sit on the bed though we stayed by the door to 'catch' her- she often ran out!! It was very frustrating!!! It worked in the end but took a couple of weeks. She wasn't upset, just confused because we changed the rules.

Best of luck!

[Melody]

Our kids continued to come climb in our bed after we were asleep. They were so quiet that we often did not even wake up until they were sleeping (or kicking us in the face).

We finally told them that our bed was just not big enough for 4 of us. We told them that if they wanted to sleep in our room, they had to bring their sleeping bags in and sleep on the floor. They did this for a while, but soon realized that their beds were more comfortable. Soon they were only doing it if there was a storm (midwest storms are scarey) and eventually they just stayed in their own room. I did allow them night lights, fairly bright ones (okay, big lava lamps). If the light helped them sleep then I was all for it. They also were allowed music tapes or story tapes like Odyssey.

I also remember sleeping with my Grandmother when I was very young. Fond memories. But that was after my Grandfather had died and I think she was as comforted by it as I was.

[tina76]

My daughter sleeps in my bedroom as well. She is 6yrs old. When I ask her why she won't sleep in her room because she says that she can see people and they tap her on the head. I haven't allowed her to sleep in the bed though. She makes her "nest" every night right nest to my side of the bed. Things are getting better, I made her a Magic Pillow" and told that this will protect her. It seems to be working about 70% of the time. I am REALLY glad that I am not the only one with a child that sleeps with a parent/grandparent.
I used to have horrible nightmares of this guy comming to get me and I could swear that I could see him. My parents wouldn't let me sleep in their room....so I laid awake many a night terrified. She is making progress, I am not sweating it.

[Texas-Ali]

My boys always crawled in with me. My oldest and youngest just decided to sleep in their own room without much to do. My middle son was really hard. When he was 5 I put a crib matteress under my bed, and a box with his blankets and pillows in there. So I started making him pull out the matteress and what ever else he needed to get comfortable, just not in the bed with me (too many elbows). It took about 6 months for him to stop coming in there.

[babee]

My son use to sleep with me in bed until he was 4. My youngest would sleep with my husband on the couch because my husband had had back surgery and my youngest would curl up with him and my oldest sleep with me.......but as my husbands back started to get better ( about a year later) and he wanted to sleep back in our bed......my oldest needed to go sleep in his bed. At first I would go to bed with him and wait for him to go to sleep. Which would take about a half hour..........then after a while of doing that I would go to bed with him a stay until he was almost asleep. After doing that for a week or so I would put him to bed and read a story to him. It took about 6 weeks for him to go to sleep be himself without me staying in there with him.....but, his 9 now and I don't have any problems with him.

Good luck with him
Lynne

[Tarabull719]

We just finally got our son sleeping in his own bed, he is 6. 5 weeks now! WOO HOO! lol My daughter also slept with us. We changed his furniture around the way he wanted it and went shopping for a few cool items for his room. I got him a moon and star wall light (cheaply from ikea). Including him in part of the "new" room seemed to really make a difference. Now he is so proud to keep sleeping in his bed. Good luck!

[sandies]

My youngest son used to climb in bed with me in the middle of the night. I usually didn't know it until he had been there awhile. I never said anything to him about it. I just carried him back to his own bed. That way he would wake up in his own room and realize that he could survive the whole night(or so he thought). It took awhile, but he finally realized that he wasn't going to be able to stay with mom. I hope you find something that works for both of you.

[KADAMAY]

My daughter is almost 6. I put her bed in my room so she would not be scared. Well she still gets in bed with us. I don't know what to do we have no sex life because she is either in our room or in our bed. It is frustrating I hope it ends soon O and she shares a room with her sister and is still scared.

[Poppie]

I appreciate all the advice that has been given, our grandson is doing better. I put him in his bed at night and stay with him till he falls asleep. He knows that I will leave once he is asleep. He does still wake up during the night and comes gets in bed with us or his dad. He does want to sleep in his bed at night, he just wants me to stay with him. We are making baby steps, so I am happy about that. Thanks everyone, Carol

[Sofina]

(((Kadamay)))
You might need to consider if this little one is playing you. I'm sure you know this, but sometimes they have just figured out that if they say they are scared they can get their way.
Gently but firmly you need to insist she is going to sleep with her sister now. You aren't mistreating her,she just wants her way.
We have been through this and its a situation we as adults have created usually. I think we need to be kind,but let it be known there is a change that will happen in sleeping arrangements. When it starts to interfere with your own personal intimate times you know its time to do something. She's old enough to understand and to obey you if you make her.
Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

[Poppie]

:yahooo: We had a major breakthrough last night, Cameron stayed in his bed all night. I laid down with him, I usually leave the light on for him, but last night I turned it off, he fell asleep, I went and got in my bed. I guess when he would wake up, the light is why he was coming into my bed. I went in his room this morning to wake him up, the momma dog was laying up there with him, like she was protecting him. He was so proud of himself, and I kept praising him. Thanks everyone for your advice and encouragement. :thankyou: Carol

[Sofina]

Oh Carol, :woohoo:
This is great!!! Give that little guy a kiss for me.