Empty Nest...

[Kathy]

For those of you with grown kids and an empty house, have you taken steps to fill the gaps for yourself?

When my kids left the nest I filled in some of the missing hugs with two dogs. Not quite the same ;) but it does help to have little ones to take care of....

I also stepped up activities with friends so that I was getting out of the house for "me" time more often.

I loved the baby stage. Loved the kid stage. Loved the college stage...and now the empty nest is a bit of a challenge. :dizzy2:

Any hints and ideas for empty nesters?

[gemsab]

{{{{{{{{Kathy}}}}}}}}}} I don't know if I have any hints, I just know that I love being an empty nester. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids but I really enjoy this alone time with my hubby. No pressure to get kids places, or worry about what time they will come home, or have to "share" the bathroom ;) , etc. As one woman told me the other day.................it's nice to see their headlights but even nicer to see their taillights. So true! I can't wait for grandchildren though.........

Emily

[Kathy]

((( Emily ))) Thanks! Yes, I'm really looking forward to grandchildren. My friends who are steps ahead of me with their photo albums full of precious faces.....are so much fun. I get to share their joy of their grandchildren. :D

I do enjoy the less stressful house. But I do miss the noise. :silly: Go figure!

[Votelady]

I have grandchildren so that helps but my husband and I are involved in a lot of different activities plus we have a close knit group of friends.

We recently started remodeling my youngest daughter's old room to make it more of a guest room.

[handywoman]

I raised my kids on my own since they were 1, 3, and 4 so now being an empty nester is kind of a relief. I never really had time to myself, except when I was at work.

There are times now when the house does seem too quiet and I think about getting a dog. Then I realize that I enjoy being able to pick up and go without the responsibilities at home. I have started my own business and have reconnected with alot of friends. Just working on photo albums and going to the movies feels like such a luxury now for me.

I'm sure the excitement will wear off at some point, but for now I'm enjoying the empty nest and the "me" time :)

[Aussie Friend]

Hi Kathy,

I'm another empty nester and have been for 2 years and even now I still have days where I wander around hating the quiet but also loving it, if that makes sense.

However even though I hate the emptiness I enjoy being able to come and go as I please and doing things with my hubby without interruption. I do miss the running to and from sport.

To fill in some of my time I patchwork, work in the football club canteen and I know I'm going to get jumped on for this but I go to my youngest son's place 45 mins away and clean his place once a week, do his washing and grocery shopping.

I however don't make a special trip as I go that way to go to patchwork classes with a group of older ladies than me that I have much fun with.

My first grandchild arrived 6 weeks ago and there is a chance I could be doing some babysitting when mum goes back to work. So I guess in the end it comes full circle so sit and enjoy the peace and quiet for now.

Take care............Karen

[clogaholic]

I'll probably never have a completely empty nest. My older daughter is handicapped and she lives at home with me. We enjoy each other's company, so it's ok most of the time. Every now and then, I do need some ME time. My other daughter is getting married soon and has said that she wants her sister to spend some time with her so that I can have a break occasionlly. That sounds nice :)

[wingriderprincess]

I'm one of those that just needs something to hug, so I got a cat, then two, then three... well we now have 6 cats and inherited our sons two labs. (we told him not to get labs in an apartment but he didn't listen) I have a son on each coast and we are in MO so we go each direction once a year. I was the mom who always had the food in thr fridge so my house was always full of kids. I miss the noise too. Last year a family of 11 moved in behind me and I gasped! Well... those kids come on Sat mornings to help fill bird feeders, play with the dogs and wreck havoc in my life :D I feel blessed!

If you can't have your own around... grab hold of someone else's :p

[TRaz]

We're having a hard time adjusting. Our kids are in college and do not live at home, so we're phasing in to being 'empty nesters'.

We've tried to make time for ourselves during our 23 years of marriage but now that we are alone, its a difficult adjustment.

Its like we are in our own separate worlds. I was and still am involved with my kids lives and my work, he is wrapped up with his work.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom?

[gemsab]

Trish, There is a nice site for us empty nesters, lots of love and wisdom there. Try visitng www.emptynestmoms.com


Emily {{{hugs}}}

[Kate]

I loved the baby stage. Loved the kid stage. Loved the college stage...and now the empty nest is a bit of a challenge. :dizzy2:

Any hints and ideas for empty nesters?

You mean Dora Mae isn't enough? Awww! I haven't fully abandoned you yet. :p

[wingriderprincess]

((Trish))
I *always* have words of wisdom ;)

We had to find something we are both passonate about to enjoy. My DH announced one day that he was going to buy a motorcycle and I promptly threw a fit :stomp: He always had a bike but had sold his a few years ago when I convinced him it was silly to pay taxes on something he wasn't using. Our boys were still at home and we were busy. This time, he was relentless. One day, I had the opportunity to talk to my aunt Bev about it. She told me to , "learn to love it". I was pouty and said, "what if I die?" and she said, "if you love it, you will die with a smile on your face". (of course she was laughing ) I look back on her words and I really think she was trying to tell me to find passion in something he loves and the rewards would come. She was right. I did learn to love to ride and we have a great time touring the USA. I have seen places I normaly wouldn't have. Somewhere in this ramble, I hope you see that what I'm trying to say is, look for something in your dh's life that he likes or loves and become interested. The rewards are worth more then I can tell you and it spills over into daily life. I still need my animals to baby but the companionship of my dh is better in our middle age then I ever expected.

I hope you look deep and never give up :love:

[txgurl]

I guess it helps to stay busy. What did the two of you do before kids? It is like starting over, cooking for two, planning activities for two.
My husband just bought a used 25' sailboat and is enjoying fixing it up and sailing when he is off. It is a nice thing for both of us to do together. I think finding something that you and your husband like to do together helps. We also now find the time to fix up our home .

We go out to eat and to movies with friends on weekends and play cards with them too. It was always hard to do things when we were driving kids all the time.

I do miss having them home, but I am getting used to the new opportunities to focus on us rather than them now.

The empty nest is a good thing, as it reminds me of the hard work and attention it took to raise two girls to be able to go out on their own and be independant.

It gets better with time, and you do adjust and fill your time with things you want to do now.

:bliss:

[gemsab]

txgurl, I couldn't agree with your assessment of the empty nest time in our lives more!!!!

Emily :hug: s

[Sophia]

I had to go through the grieving process, since my son left abruptly and was married before we could blink. After that I realized it was time to focus my energies on my husband, home, and our future together. It was hard, but I made myself remodel my son's room, repainting and ridding it of reminders.
I enrolled in a course and started spending more time with friends. My husband and I took some mini vacations and redecorated the home. My son eventually returned, brought me grandchildren, and our life focus changed once again. My good friends also became empty-nesters, each in a different way, but we all found that the adjustment meant refocusing our energies, keeping busy and realizing its just one of many changes we experience in life. Your children will still need you, but in a less direct way.

[lesliesnini]

I was told I would hate it, that I'd miss the kids terribly, I'd be so sad, etc., etc.

I love my girls, but with each one, the time was right for her to go.

It also helps that they both live in town and I see them frequently. I also have interests outside of my kids. I saw how difficult it was for my mom to be an empty-nester because she had spent so many years focusing on us kids. I was determined to go through this time with joy.

My heart goes out to those of you who are struggling through this time.

[Champagne69]

I have three sons. My oldest son lives at home and goes to college. The second oldest is graduating high school this year...he just brought papers home to sign up in the Air Force. He will probably leave in September. I am so incredibly sad. I will miss him terribly. My youngest son is a year behind him. I am definitely in a grieving process...I'm a stay at home mom being forced into retirement. I am praying for direction about what to do next. I am excited for the wonderful opportunities my sons have going out into the world, but in the same breath I am so sad they are growing up. :(

[luv2xstitch]

I'm not quite an empty nester yet. My son will be 20 in June. He works full time and says he is going back to college full time before he turns 21 (mainly to stay on our insurance - I think). But right now most of his time is spent away from home. He sleeps here four or five nights a week. He comes home after we go to bed and either leaves before we get up the next day or after we have left to do what we need to do. My husband is in the military and his "8 hour" work day ends up being more of a 10 to 12 hour work day. So during the day, there are times when I feel like I am going to go absolutely crazy! So I am trying to figure out ways to fill my time.

When my toe heals completely (enough to stand on continuously at least) I am going to look for a job. Until then, my DH and I just started taking a 12-week class at church. But it is only an hour or so one night a week. It does come with a good bit of reading on our own, thinking about things and praying. So hopefully, through prayer, I will be led in the right direction.

Once for each of the last two months, DH and I went to the movies. Boy was that a shock the first time! We hadn't been to the theater in such a long time. The cost just about floored us! Needless to say we won't be going very often. We will need to find other ways to fill our time. So this thread is great!

[svenska]

I adapted very well to my empty nest. We have four children and they all live in different states so they stay with us when they visit. I look forward to them coming to visit, miss them for a few days after they've gone but then I'm right back into my own life. (After I've cleaned up the mess they leave behind). :)

[Champagne69]

Svenska.,
But did you ever go through a grieving process during each child leaving?

[svenska]

I never went through a grieving period, however the first one I dropped off at college, I found it was difficult to just leave him there because it was the first time he would be away from home. I wanted to hang around for awhile but DH said it was time to go. He is sometimes wiser than I. The second one left when he got married and lives nearby and that whole leaving was a happy time. (He was 25 and it was about time he left the nest). The last two left about a year apart so I think I was eased into the empty nest and DH and I really enjoy our quite house. I think it helps that all four are doing well. My DS has three children, one is out and she also didn't have a grieving period. Her second will graduate college this June and she is also planning on moving out as she already has a job lined up. It will be a few more years before DS has an empty nest because her third is only 10 but she tells me she's looking forward to having an only child for a few years. I think everyone handles it differently. I have a friend who really had a hard time with her children growing up and leaving. It is in their best interest to get out into the world on their own. We all have to do it sometime.

[gemsab]

I am still trying to figure out why everyone is so sad about being an emptynester. I am not saying that you shouldn't miss your children and have some pangs about them going out on their own, but think of how great it is to be ALONE with your DH for the first time in mucho years! I just LOVE it! I remember when my sister was the last to leave my mom's nest and she was all bent out of shape. I can clearly remember saying to her back then: "Mom, she is just moving out, she didn't die!" I kept those words close to me for when it was my turn and it is so true. Rejoice in doing a good job as a parent and move on . It's YOUR turn now. I know it might be a bit hard but you can do it. Enjoy this time in your life. It's awesome! I am with you svenska, our kids have to and need to get out into the world. We did it and now it is their turn to fly.......