Any other "sports" moms out there?

[Canadian Girl]

This is such a new adventure for me: while my oldest is a home body who prefers books and video games to any type of activities, my youngest is into competitive soccer.

While this is certainly exciting, it is also very stressful and demanding. I'm not talking about all those hours spent taking her to practice and watching games. Yes, that's demanding, but I can cope with that. I'm talking about the stress of the games!!!

It's sometimes sooooo hard to sit back and just let her play. Somedays, she's really out of it and is barely a spectator on the field. Drives DH nuts as he's very competitive himself. Other days, she does her best.. and the team still looses. This is frustrating.

I guess it doesn't help that DH is very competitive and critical of her. I just want to encourage her and cheer her to do her best.

Another thing that I find very nerve-wracking is the whole evaluation process. In our Association, we go from totally uncompetitive until age 8. It's so uncompetitive that we do not even tally up the scores and everyone gets the same trophy!!! Then, from Age 9 on, it's extremely competitive: the kids are sorted out into Divisions, every score counts and there are trophies and medals at the end of the summer. I think this is sooo frustrating and so hard on parents, who often still do not know if they're only playing for fun.. or for real.

My question... yes, there's a question hidden into all this ramble LOL.. is how do you survive without either coming out as the driven mom or the pushover mom?

[Votelady]

I used to be a sports and band mom and I absolutely loved it. I wouldn't trade that time with my daughter for anything. Now my grandkids are starting to get involved in sports and cheer and I'm getting into be a sports grandmom.

[Aussie Friend]

Hi Dany,

I hear what your saying and yes it's a fine line you have to travel. I think if your daughter is enjoying her sport for the fun of it and more for the social activity then just leave it that way.

Sadly often parents become trapped in what they think their children should do or not do on a sports field when all their child wishes to do is participate. If your child wants more and isn't receiving the training required to do so then you need to locate where she can get the training she requires.

As far as hubby being competitive that's fine so long as he doesn't think she has to be and become the ugly parent on the sideline.

My children have competed in many sports and have done very well but we were always mindful to encourage them to better themselves and not to become unhappy being something they weren't capable of. Many children give up sport if pushed rather than encouraged. Sport is a wonderful avenue for releasing pent up energy, anger or just plain old socialising.

Take care.........Karen

[Melody]

My question... .. is how do you survive without either coming out as the driven mom or the pushover mom?

That is a toughie. My DD was a very competive basketball player (point guard) all the way through college. I opted for just being the supportive mom. My DH would have to sit on me when someone hurt her or the ref made a bad call against her. I was ready to jump up and be all over them.

I let her teamates, coach and Dad tell her how to play and be critical. I just listened to her. I passed out hugs to her and the rest of the team whether they won or lost. It didn't matter to me. I know it mattered to her, but she really appreciated my being a "safe place" to come to for hugs. It was a comfortable role for me too.

[Canadian Girl]

Thanks for the feedback: it's appreciated.

From what I read, I think I'm doing ok being the supportive mom. I'm objective to know that she doesn't deserve praise when she goes in spectator mode. Furthermore, I'm a firm believer that as long as you do your best, whether you win or not matters very little.

I guess our problem is that we're being told she's very good. We're not deluding ourselves that she's the best in her age-group, but she is up there. I don't think she could train anywhere else: there is only one soccer association in our Sector... and they have a pretty good accademy.

I'm just hoping that this upcoming year will be a good year: last year, they ended up loosing most of their games because of the lack of trust of their coach. It was a shame, because they were a good team of girls who really got along and played well together... just didn't have enough ambition.

One thing I do know is that my daughter really loves playing soccer and, in the end, that's what matters. These days she's really looking forward to week-ends, because that's when she plays. And she also plays soccer, with the boys, during lunch hour at school. It's a good practice, since the boys play a much higher calibre of soccer.

[Aussie Friend]

Hi Dany,

I'd say your doing more than okay and with you by her side encouraging her your daughter will not only enjoy her sport but she learn to be a good sport and play within the spirit of the game.

I think that's the most important thing our children can learn playing sport as well as the many friendships they can make, winning isn't everything!

I hope both you and her continue to enjoy your time together. Way to go mum!

Take care........Karen

[djortega]

my daughter is 15 and plays softball in a league and for her highschool. i really had a hard time keeping my mouth shut when i heard the way some of the parents would scream at their girls out there on the field! it never made them play better and i imagine it was embarrasing for them as well.
i let my daughter join because she trully enjoys playing the game and it teaches them about being proud of winning something they have worked so hard to achieve but also it teaches them that losing is a part of life sometimes no matter how hard you try, so if she must lose, do it with grace! i want to have good sportsmanship and a team spirit. so i think its better to leave our competitiveness at home and take our support and parental pride with us!
all these things will make our kids better people in the long run!

[nowakd1133]

Cdn eh? Me too. and a full-time sports mom with 2 boys in several sports. I've always stressed that my boys have fun no matter what they participate in, and that's all i focus on. I get stressed watching them compete, but i dont ever tell them how to improve. I know that they are already doing the best that they can. All coaches are volunteers so I never tell them how to do their jobs either---and I don't feel like a "pushover."

[marybeth8890]

I have 4 sons, 17, 15, 2 and 1. The two oldest play varsity football and varsity baseball. The 15 year old also snowboards. The oldest drives. (YIKES!!!) :eek: I love to watch them play sports. I miss the times when they were younger before school teams when we would drive to and from games and practices. That was really a great bonding time and I can't wait for the two younger ones to get involved.

[nowakd1133]

WOW! You have alot of boys! Sometimes 2 of them feels like 10. Anyway, the boys never seem to tire of seeing their parents on the sidelines watching and I never tire of it either.

[Lee]

My daughter played softball for 7 years and field hockey for a couple, I think the biggest thing is not to criticize them in front of their team mates....I have seen too many parents do that and it never has a possitive effect. When she zones out you may want to ask her about it, she may tell you something that clues you in to why she does it. I remember when my daughter first started softball, she would be out in the field chewing on her glove, no matter what we did she wouldn't stop. Finally we started offering her a dollar for each game she made it through without chewing, after 4 games the habit was broken :).

[derijia]

Not a sport mom but sport aunt. My 12 year old neice is on a traveling softball team, traveling volleyball team, and her school basketball team and in hte fall added soccer to her list. My 14 year old nephew is in kartate and was state champ for his age group the last three years and placed in the top three for nationals two years. My six and four year old neice are in softball and soccer. Both the 14 and 12 year old are also in band. So there isn't a night I'm not at a game or practice with one or the other, sometimes two in one night. It gets hard to sit back and just let them play but I know (at least the youngest two) just want to have fun so why yell at them when they have parents and coached yelling at them. I'm just there to support them. Since my only sport is racquetball its intresting to watch them play, espically the youngest two (Provides great comedy releif sometimes-they don't care what goal they are running and kicking to).
Overall I Love being a sport aunt. :cool: