Do people look at you strangely if you don't work?

[gemsab]

I worked many years both before my marriage and many years after. But a series of events and ilnesses of my Dad, hubby and myself kept me away from a job for some time now. I now enjoy being at home and doing the things I never had time for before. I admit at times I am bored but the thoughts of going back to a stressful job keep me happy to be at home.
But I am sick and tired of people looking at me like I have 3 heads when I tell someone that I don't work. I usually get snide comments like "must be nice" or "we know who has the money" or "you're wasting your education."
Why do they think that because I am at home now that there is something wrong with me. I feel guilty and stupid. How do those of you who don't work feel about this? It seems when you are a mother and you work, you are criticized and then if you don't work outside the home, you are critized, too. :eek: There is no pleasing anyone these days...

Emily

[QuiltAngel]

Yes, I know the feeling. Especially now that we have 2 kids at private universities. Alot of times I may say that I don't work for money. That gets them thinking. Those of us who stay home (do we really stay home?) work a lot. I wish people would think of that before they speak.

A problem I have is that everyone thinks that since I "don't work" I should volunteer or be volunteered for everything. Everytime my mother gets sick or has a problem, I get when can you go? from my siblings. They all work. They seem to think I can drop everything and go right away. It is 7 hours a way.

So smile and tell them "yeah, I don't work, for money that is."

[gemsab]

{{{{{Jane}}}}} I know what you mean! Thanks for the reply.........you made me feel better to know others have been through the same thing and I may try that answer.

Emily

[YellowRoseTex]

:wave: Emily,
A few years ago I was laid off from my job and was off work for seven months. I really think that people looked at me diferent when I was not working. It was a different experience for me also as I was used to working. I did enjoy the time off, but did not like the looks and such that I got whenever someone inquired as to my employment.

[spasmo]

I have worked outside of the home most all of my adult life, but I want to assure you that I know that women that stay home are STILL WORKING! For me (and many others) it would be more tough to be at home full time. Work is work, no matter what you do. Look at all the things you do for your family since you are at home. If you put price tags on those regular services that you provide and added it up, I bet that most of the people that are being critical would realize just how much work can get done when someone is at home. And don't forget the time value of money... things that get done around my house would happen faster if I were at home. I'm sorry that people sometimes make these judgemental comments... just know that it is only YOUR opinion that matters! Good for you for doing what makes sense in your life!

[djortega]

when people ask me if i work i say... YES i do, at home!!!!! i am a wife and mother.

[lokerspadokers]

Definitely. I have had a lot of health problems and have been out of work a lot. Most recently I had surgery and will be going back next week. Sometimes I just want to be able to stop workng completely but I can't really do that. I do enjoy what I do, I just get so stressed with my health. I'm hopng this last surgery will last me for a while!!

[clogaholic]

I'm the main caregiver for my handicapped daughter. I still get some of those "must be nice" remarks from time to time. I just have learned to ignore them ( well, mostly ).
One thing that bothers me is when people automatically assume that you have the time and are just dieing to do any and all volunteer activities that they suggest. Some get downright pushy and I almost have to get rude before they accept "no thanks".:shrug:

[pednurse]

I also don't work outside of the home "for pay" and frequently, especially as my kids are getting older (7 1/2 & 3 1/2), get asked "So when are you going back to work?" I do have my nursing degree (RN), but I work just as hard at home as I did when I was still employed. Right now, and for the forseeable future, I think my kids need me home. I really don't see how working moms manage to get it all done without being constantly burned out. People also assume that we must have plenty of money since I'm able to stay home.....well, no, we actually live paycheck-to-paycheck.....we've just gotten really good at squeezing those poor pennies until there's nothing left for them to give.

[Mori]

I've always worked on & off but at the moment I'm taking it easy at home. When people ask & give me that look I say my husband is working for me & pays me to stay home! They usually change a shade or two with envy! :D

[SouthDakotaSherry]

I was a stay-at-home mom for a lot of years and experienced that, too. I went to my 10-year class reunion and people were out and out MEAN with their comments. It hurt and I will never go to another reunion. (I actually had someone comment on how fat I had gotten as well.) I am working now, but treasure those days I got to be home with my children. I agree with Jane about how people also think you have time to do everything else! Give me a break!

Enjoy not having to go into a job. I am one of the lucky ones that loves my job or I would be envious to be in your place!

Sherry

[ofgrace]

Yes people do look at you strangely and say the strangest things too. Its as if no one values the SAHM anymore. I agree you have to really be centered with your decision for the comments to no longer bother you. I am currently wanting to get back into the work force but seem to continually run into not being able to commit my time to one place due to the demands of my family, and we really arent one of those very busy familys. I love your reply morie, thats a good one, I'll have to remember that one. I have heard the must be nice comment so many times, that I usually reply, yes, it really is. What really gets me is the question, so what do you do with all your time, or there's only so much house work one can do! GEEZ!, like thats all we do! I even had a sister in law comment to me when she came to see our new home and how I had repainted it myself that I really should go and get a job. Yes, I still love her. My point is , try not to worry about it as long as you know its what you want to do, and remember that their comments come from knowing that its obviously something that they don't want to do and thats okay too. Mostly, I thank God that I have the choice for now.

[esotericgirl]

I work full time and would LOVE to stay home, even tho I don't have kids, I would just love to be a housewife. I admit, whenever someone tells me they stay home, I have said "must be nice!" but I don't mean it the way I think some people mean it and/or take it. I mean it seriously... that it must be nice and I SO wish I could be like you!!!! So I don't think all people mean it the "wrong way".... unless I am just the only nice one around. haha I really have NEVER meant that in a bad way towards someone when I hear they are stay at home moms or wives. I ALWAYS mean it in a nice way. :) So don't worry what people say, if they are being mean, they are just jealous!!

[Beachgirl]

Don't pay attention to the comments of these unhappy and unkind people. They are jealous of the opportunity you have.

I would love the opportunity to waste my education. I have been working since I was 12.
The last 6 years of work have been a living hell, I've had a female boss who has harrassed and abused me, and now an on the job injury has put me out for 4 weeks plus. I exceeded the FMLA since I had to have a hysterectomy last Feb. And to top it off my boss and the company have decided to move my job to Las Vegas and hire over me. Although I decided I would do anything I had to do, because my mental and physical health have suffered enough.
I would take time off, but I can't, my husbands health is shakey and I am the sole support in this family. So I WILL have to go back to work.. .

[trixie]

Yes, this one is a sore subject for me, too. My youngest is 16, and the only one still at home. Every now and then I get the urge to return to work outide the home, mainly because someone has made the "what do you do all day" remark. I seek respect, you know? So, I investigate a return to nursing (I am an RN, too), and even go on an interview now and then, but it just doesn't feel right. I love being a SAHM, and those times when I consider going back always lead me back to the wonderful feeling of gratitude I have for being exactly where I am. So the self-doubt becomes a sense of renewal, and I love that!
Sometimes I wonder why women can't support one another better.

[spasmo]

Trixie, I work outside the home and you have my respect. You have one of the most important jobs I can think of... raising the next generation. Face it, no matter what choices we make there will ALWAYS be someone around to judge us and say something to make us feel bad. I used to feel self conscious becuase we did not have children. I would get questioned about it! Like it was ANYONE (other than my husband's) business.

I say ENOUGH! What a great thing it would be if people would quit judging other people and making snotty (and jealous comments). Enjoy your lives!

[quiltingmare]

I know how you feel. People would look at me like whats wrong with you. Especially when I say we have no kids, then they ask what do you do all day and don't you get bored. I just ignore them though. I'm now back at a parttime job with no stress, but it was nice staying home for 9 years without any of the high stress that I had at my previous job. I think I added years to my life.

[marybeth8890]

Yes, I know the look!

[trixie]

Anna B, thanks for the kind words. To you, and to other childfree-by-choice women, I say good for you! My best friend has no children, and I know she goes through what all of you describe. It is a personal decision, and a wonderful option!

[spasmo]

Thanks Trixie ~ I think that if I had kids I would be a nervous wreck! Probably WAY over protective as I view it as such an awesome responsibility. I do have friends that let me borrow their kids sometimes (and they get some free time) and I benefit from getting to spend time with spoiling them. This arrangement works out great. I am also "on call" when my friends are on their last nerve and need to call in fresh perspective (and someone who will bring over a shoulder to lean on and comfort food). It all tends to work out.

[latinagal]

People will always have something to say because they are unhappy and jealous. Dont listen to any of that childish nonsense.

[Duchie]

I think those people who do that in a mean way are just jealous and are probably miserable.
I have worked since I was 16 except during my pregnancy. I would have given anything to be able to stay home and raise my daughter. Shoot I would love to be a housewife. I don't think people really understand that there are just some people who are lucky enough to be able to do this, especially in these economic times. I also think if that we didn't 'have' to have all the crap we accumulate and if inflation and pay raises worked together we all could have the choice to stay home, because if I had the choice I would have stayed home and probably told anyone off if they gave me those looks.
These people shouldn't hate because they are jealous or money hungry.
You go girl!!
ps Im jealous hahaha

[LuvMaui]

I get comments from all kinds of people. My SISTER IN LAW really ticks me off. When ever I see her she makes comments like... Aren't you getting bored yet? It must be nice to dress down everyday? Someones been watching too many Lifetime movies!! If I stayed home I would be as big as a house... Have you thought about joining curves? Your house looks so perfect... If your bored you can come clean mine.

She obviously has issues.

[Duchie]

Have you thought about smacking your sister in law, luvmaui? Just right upside the head, it works it really does. At least it would make you feel better ;)

[LuvMaui]

Have you thought about smacking your sister in law, luvmaui? Just right upside the head, it works it really does. At least it would make you feel better ;)


LOL... Don't think I haven't thought about it ;)

[jcme]

I chalk the looks up to the "grass is always greener" syndrome. People tend to think that others have it easier or better.

I'm sure there are some people who don't have to work and can lay around watching TV and eating bon-bons, but I don't know any of them. Most of the people I know who stay at home work at keeping their household and taking care of their kids. Some of them even work harder than some people I know who go to work.

In my opinion, most people who choose stay home may not have a "job", but they do "work".

Take care

[gemsab]

Thanks ladies. I almost forgot that I started this thread. Funny thing is, I now have a part time job. Shuts up everyone and it is just enough hours to keep me happy.