How to deal with losing a pet??

[jasper]

I honestly don't know how to deal with having to put down our dog Scamp.
Here I am a grown woman of almost 40 years old and I feel just as I did as a 13 year old losing Dobie the dog I had for 13 years.
I have prayed and I know in my heart of hearts that this is the way it has to be but it doesn't make it any easier,
My heart is breaking, I feel like I'm losing a child
How do I get through??
Thanks for letting me get this out, I don't know what to do with myself

[MaggieSt]

It's not easy. You are losing a family member. Cry, and cry some more; it'll take some time to get over your grief. When I lost my cat FUBAR, 17 months ago - she lived with us for over 20 years - I was totally distraught. Kept seeing her shadow move across the room, kept feeling her 'jump' on the bed.

Post here or in your blog whenever you need to; don't hold your feelings in.

Eventually, grief will give way to happier memories.

:comfort:

[Votelady]

Jasper,

I'm so sorry that you must put your dog down. It isn't going to be easy and it shouldn't be. We had to put down our beloved dog Scotch almost a year ago and it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. My daughter & I held him & told him how much we loved him while they gave him the shot and it was over very quickly.

Never regret doing the right thing.

Take care,
:hug:
:superman2

[Kate]

Jasper,

I lost my childhood dog Cocoa unexpectantly a few years back. She had heart worms. :( I was in college and she was staying with my parents. I had never experienced losing something that I loved so much. Cocoa had been with me everywhere we had moved to and losing her was losing my best friend. You just need to realize that losing a pet is as painful if not more painful than losing a person. I don't think it's really talked about enough. I loved my Cocoa and when I went home for the first time since she had died, it really hit me again. But I cried a ton. I even had to miss a day or two of work just to let myself cry and mourn the loss. Of course I still mourn the loss 4.5 years later. I say that she was the key to my childhood.

Just take photos. I had a few photos of Cocoa and me. I ended up framing one of them and have it here in my apartment. If you need a good dog movie to help let out your emotions, try My Dog Skip. I can watch the last 10 minutes of it and be bawling like a baby. But just let yourself go through the emotions of griefing. Hugs to you! I feel your pain. I know that saying "this too shall pass..." is probably not a comfort, but it will get easier. You're in my prayers.

[spasmo]

As someone who has gone through this six time with beloved family members I totally relate. Each time I go through this it does not get any easier. I agree with the others... we are talking about part of your family.

I go through the grief process each time. I am comfored with the knowledge that my goldens have had a wonderful life with us. And after a while I am able to look at their pics and sometimes I don't cry. Duffy, the sweetie that I am currently using as my avatar, is our most recent loss. I am so pleased that I can share her with all of you now here in GGG. If she can bring a smile to your face her spirit lives on.

Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers through this difficult time.

[Kate]

Anna, I love the photo of your beloved Duffy. Since the first time I saw, it brought a smile to my face.

[spasmo]

Thanks Kate! It Duffy a while to talk to me again after I took this picture of her... at first all she would say to me was something about wanting to be a red tulip and I made her a pink daisy... she was NOT AMUSED... I was though... silly girl!

[jasper]

Thankyou everyone for your kind words,
Today has been a blur but I'm sure all those happy and fun times will come flooding back, there were heaps of them.
Anna, your picture of Duffy makes me smile too :) Scamp was also willing to wear funny hats or whatever.
I will definately get out some really special photos and place them around the house, I had her earthly body take to Pets at Peace and they will bring me her ashes, but I know her spirit will always follow me

[penguin2005]

when my parents had to put their dog down in sept. we all cried. They got that dog when I had my older dd. They grew up together. Gretal would even scoot across the carpet like my dd when she was learning to crawl. Funny how they get their way into our homes and hearts.

[DesertRose]

My furbaby is an eleven year old Golden Retriever named Alex. He is at the vet's office right now having tests done and blood drawn because he is just not acting right this morning. He was not wanting to get up and move around, barely ate two bites of his food and is just not himself. I know that large breed dogs don't live much beyond his age but I am just not ready for anything to start. I am hoping maybe this is just some pain from arthritis or something simple like that. Hopefully, I will know this afternoon. I hated having to leave him at the vet--he was whining and crying, which he does not do and just obviously did not feel well. It broke my heart to leave him there but I have to let them watch him and run tests so he can (hopefully) feel better. My poor puppy. He is definitely my baby.

[jasper]

Desert Rose, I'm sending positive thoughts and prayers your way for your precious fur baby, let us know the results, hopefully it's something simple and easily fixed :hug:
I feel a little better today, but it will take time. My DH and I went down to the beach last night and laid down and looked up to the sky, it was a beautiful clear sky,we could feel Scamp looking down on us.

[crunchies0313]

Duffy, the sweetie that I am currently using as my avatar, is our most recent loss. I am so pleased that I can share her with all of you now here in GGG. If she can bring a smile to your face her spirit lives on.

Spasmo, Just wanted to let you know..Duffy cracked me up. I am a huge animal lover, and am a devoted photographer of every thing that they do. My mom gets mad at the amount of film I use for my Lab Morty. Now I have a digital camera and so she can't say anything!!

My dog was diagnosed with Cushing's disease a little over a year ago. She doesn't have much time and I am reminded of that everytime I see her. I know that its going to come down to us deciding to put her down before she actually passes, which would be great for her because of the pain, but I can't imagine life without her.

Kate mentioned having pictures...I actually have a poster made of my favorite picture of Morty. My mom got it made for me, and its hard to miss it in my bedroom! I agree with the pictures.

I do not know exactly how it feels to lose a pet, but I cannot imagine the pain, and the bad thing is there is really no way to really prepare to how I will feel.

[spasmo]

Hi Jessica!

You asked a great question:


I do not know exactly how it feels to lose a pet, but I cannot imagine the pain, and the bad thing is there is really no way to really prepare to how I will feel.

Here is what I can tell you... no matter how many times I go through the loss of a pet it always hurts as much as the first time. My advice is to try to put it out of your mind and enjoy each day to the fullest with your sweet baby. I sincerly believe that each of my goldens enjoyed life to the fullest until they told us it was "time". Each of one found their own way to tell us when it was time. Until the time comes it simply is not time yet... and try not to think about it.

Our furbabies are the happiest when they see us being happy too. I know it is hard, and bittersweet, but savor this time and take lots and LOTS of pics. I LOVE my digital camera because this makes it so much easier! I look forward to seeing some pics.

Love,
Anna

[Glinda]

It's sooo sad losing our dear little friends who love us unconditionally. Sometimes the pain is too raw to think about. Time doesn't cure, but it does help some.

My heart goes out to you with your loss.

[Mori]

I really love animals & when I lose a pet I really mourn their loss & go through a real grieving process. It's the only part of owning a pet that I dread dealing with. :( I remember losing a cat & taking 2 days off work sick in bed with grief.

[Arkiegirl]

WE had to put our sweet Rose to sleep several years ago. She had lung cancer. It was sooo hard. My husband cried for three hours straight..and so did I.As we dug a hole to burry her. My heart still hurts for her. Do you have any other pets? Will this help? I have another doggie now. She has been my baby for two years. I love her soo much too. I have not had her spayed yet because I can not stand the thought of her being away from home overnight. Pets are not just pets...they are family to some people.There is no easy way to put a pet down. Just remember you are doing it to ease her pain and suffering.Best wishes.

[Beachgirl]

I had to put down my Sweetie Pie, ironacly, when I was 40 as well. I was also newly separated, no job, and living alone.

I bawled in the Vet's office, I took my cat home in very thick plastic and put her in my freezer until I could decide what to do with her body.

This was the first time I had ever had to grieve for a pet and make that sort of decision.

As crazy as it sounds I didn't make a decision for a while, I lived alone, had no friends to speak of so who was going to know about that body in the freezer. It actually helped me to be able to touch her when I needed to (frozen and thru the plastic!) I finally decided to have her cremeated. And she is her in my home office, in a box, along with a snip of her fur, and on thop is a framed picture of her and occasionally I will burn a candle for her.

Time heals all wounds, let yourself greive, your baby will be gone but not forgotten.

[showme girl]

Been through this twice.....I have no children and won't ever, so these are my kids. It is hard but here is a link for something that comforts me.....

http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm

[Beachgirl]

I receive messages from cat age that ironically enough sent this to me today, after I responded to your blog last night.

I ended up doing these things out of instinct, but it's great information and has certainly helped me not only with my pet, but the loss of my father several years ago. Although I don't have "his" ashes, I still have a photo, candle and memorial info (next to my cats). I feel instantly linked and grateful for having them in my life.

Coping with Loss
February 14, 2006

The death of a beloved pet can bring a deep sense of loss.

If you or someone you know is grieving the loss of a pet, a sympathetic shoulder from family or friends or encouragement from a support group can help sustain a pet owner through the loss and provide comfort and understanding. Creating a symbolic memorial, such as planting flowers or a tree, putting together a scrapbook, or donating money to an animal shelter, also may help with the grieving process.
Cat Age Quick Tip
CatAge.com

[SlaveToDogs]

After reading all of this I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face. Sad to say, I work with people who are in emotional pain every day and it doesn't get to me that much. But tell me a sad story about an animal and I melt. I feel heartbroken for all of you who are struggling with losing a four-legged baby.

We have 4 dogs and a cat (and no children by choice). We know they don't have such long life spans, so we have to take each day we have with them. But it's always awful when their time is up and at that point, it seems dreadfully unfair. My dear Ziggy, a standard poodle, simply collapsed and died in my arms 5 years ago. He was 13 and I had to fly out to CA on a business trip that afternoon and I couldn't cancel. I put on dark glasses and cried for most of the 5 hr flight. I still cry when I think of him and how much I miss him.

Having worked in hospice, I know that when people are close to death, they are "visited" from the "other side". Many many patients see people and beloved pets that have gone before them. My hope is that I will again see all my sweet little babies when I reach the other side.

Libby

[amythyst1]

I totally understand how you are feeling. We just put down our Sheltie of 11.5 years last August. It was the hardest day of our lives. We have many pictures of her and we have a cat still with us but life is not the same. Although we all had a hard time my husband is having the hardest. He has a home office and "Stephi" always stayed at his feet as he worked. He really feels her loss since he keeps looking for her when he is working. The kids really want another dog but my husband says he is not emotionally ready yet. I'm not either. I am so happy she was healthy for most of her life, I know so many people whose animals are not healthy and I'm not sure I can deal with that yet.

We did a memorial to her in our backyard, since this was her favourite spot. We purchased a cedar cremation box and had her ashes sealed in it. We buried it in the garden and my kids planted a red rose for her. We found a marker made for a pet memorial about the loss of a best friend and placed it on her grave. Now we visit it regularly and remember her fondly. It always hurts but I'm sure there are many wonderful memories too. I'm tearing up as I write this!

[pixiehornet]

My beloved dog Sebastian has an enlarged heart and his symptoms are getting progressively worse. He is on a couple different medications but I am trying to prepare myself to let him go when the time comes. He is almost eleven years old and has been the love of my life since the first time I laid eyes on him. So how do you do it? How do you prepare yourself to put down an animal you love so much? My father just put his dog down in December and he waited way too long to do it. His dog really suffered at the very end but my father just couldn't let go. He just wanted one more day. I don't want to do that to Sebastian. I don't want him to suffer one bit and he trusts me to do the right thing. But it will be the hardest thing I have ever done and my heart is already breaking.

[kitnkat]

It is so very hard to lose one of your pets. I too would not want any one of them to suffer at all, and I found that when the time comes it is so much easier to call the Vet out to the house. When my last dog had to go to sleep that is the way I had to do it. I sat on the floor with the Vet and my dog and held her in my arms until she was gone.
The vet put her into a large black bag and carried her out to the Van. After she was goneI felt a little better knowing I did the right thing. The dog had a great life, and the least I could do was respect her and do the right thing by letting go at the right time.
The dog was 13 years old and had a very bad stroke but I knew I would never be able to drive home if I had gone out to the Vet's office.
It is the most horrible thing in the world to go through and my heart goes out to all of you that have had recent losses.

[spasmo]

All I can tell you is that it is different with each animal and they REALLY do tell you when it is time. It is the look in their eyes that always lets me know. Each time it breaks my heart and leaves me raw.

Pixie, my heart is breaking for you right now (and everyone else in your shoes). Make sure you have LOTS of pictures of your beautiful Sebastian. All of our goldens who have passed on are still very much in our lives... we still talk about Duffy (our girl I am using as an avatar). Even as I write this three years later I find myself crying.

I wish I could give all of you a big hug right now... Just follow your heart and know that we will be here for you throughout the journey.

Love,
Anna

[jasper]

(((pixie)))) it is so hard but as Anna said the look in the eyes says it all. I know I struggled making the decision but when I went to the vet that morning that Scamp was put to sleep I knew with everything in my heart that it was the right thing, her eyes said it all...god it doesn't make it hurt any less though, even now not a day goes by I don't think about her or miss her. I even took down our side fence last weekend as I couldn't stand pulling my car into the driveway and not seeing her bright happy face there.
I had an amazing sign that she was still with me, I was putting washing out and I looked up to the sky, it was a beautiful sunny day and the sky was so blue. I don't know what made me look up but as I did a dandelion floated down towards me, you see Scamp always sat at my feet whilst I hung out the washing and when the wind blew big balls of white fur would float around.I didn't catch it ,as quick as it flew down the breeze blew it away. But it did remind me that sometimes we can't touch those we love but they do give us signs they're still with us!!!
Take care
Wendy :hug:

[Lapphundlady]

I have lost several furry family members over the past years and it doesnt get any easier. I am a total basket case but it is part of the grief process and making the decision for them that they cant go any further in this life is a hard one.When we lost our first dog a Saint Bernard called Waldo who died in our yard after an epileptic seizure, my boss gave me a week off compassionate leave I was so bad. By the end of the week my grief wasnt gone but our next dog a Samoyed Mindy was. Desert Rose I hope you have good news about your baby. But remember there is always memories and the grief is getting better when those memories are mostly good ones. The longest I have been without a dog in my married life (never had dogs before) is about 6 weeks and that was a killer, I cant be pet less a part of me dies. That may sound daft but they are part of me so anyone going through that pain and loss, my thoughts are with you I know the feelings so well.
Take care of yourselves.

[Zoneey]

My sister-in-law gave me the book "For Every Dog An Angel" by Christine Davis. I cried while reading it, but it helps. I had to make the decision 5 years ago to put my Kelli down. It has taken a long time. My animals are family. Take care.

[futurekidnurse]

I just want to send you a big hug. I know how heartbreaking it is to lose a beloved pet. My dogs are always like family members to me and their passing is very difficult to get through. I am thinking about you.

Tally

[colleendancer]

I had to put my Kitty Phil to sleep due to renal failure last February. Will the pain and the crying ever stop? I can't even go pick up his remains at the vet's cause I know I will fall apart. I had him 12 years. It was just him and me and I would take time to communicate with him and teach him things. I taught him to fetch he loved with rubberbands. And he would lay down like a dog when I told him to. When he couldn't physically see me he would come looking for me until he was too sick to walk. I want another pet but I don't know when is the right time.

Colleen

[spasmo]

((((big hugs))))

It is obvious that Phil was much loved and one lucky cat. That is something that wonderful and something to take comfort in. Colleen it can take a long time for the pain to ease. Unfortunately we have lost seven golden retrievers over the years and one some days I am fine (and have nothing but happy memories) while on other days the sadness seems very fresh. All I can tell you is that it takes time. For me there are now many more good days than bad. There are many days when things will happen and I think about how our different dogs would have reacted. It makes me feel good that they are still in our thoughts and hearts.

As far as when is the right time for a new pet, well... you will know when the time is right. You'll see a critter and fall in love. The good news is the love in our heart can be infinite. We can love new pets without taking anything away from the ones that have passed on. The thing is to keep an open mind. In our case it took keeping a really open mind as the critter that found its way into our hearts was a cat who promptly had five babies. We never had cats before (much less six of them). Luckily our cats are great teachers and now I cant imagine life without them. So... every time I am at the grocery store and the cashier sees all the cat food in my cart and asks me about how many cats I have. Every time I proudly answer "yeah... we are happily owned by six cats and I couldn't image life without them".

Best wishes and healing vibes~
AnnaB

[jcme]

Collen

The pain will ease, but you will never forget Phil, he sounds like an awesome cat. Find comfort in the fact your cat is at peace and I'm sure he knew you did everything you could for him.

It is terrible losing a pet because they are one of the family. To this day I still grieve for all the pets I have had. All I can say in time, it does get better and you will know when the time is right to get another pet.

I understand the emptiness of living alone when a pet passes. The last year and a half have been a constant reminder of that becase there is no cat greeting me when I come home or curling up next to me in bed (he died from old age at 19.5 and I had him for 18 years).

Like you, after he passed away I knew I would get another pet, I just didn't know when. A few months ago, the time felt right. Although my heart said it was time, my head has told me to wait until after some personal things area taken care of so I haven't got a new pet yet. When the time is right for you to get another furbaby, you will know it too.

As far as picking up Phil's remains, I think he should be home and not at the vet's office where he passed away.

Take care

[WonderMom]

Don't be afraid to cry! You have to grieve for a pet as you would a child or family member. I have to say we recently lost our dear puppy. She was 8 months old and we are still having a difficult time of it. She ate a small animal (rodent or bird we aren't sure) that had eaten rat poison and it killed her too! People don't realize that putting rat poison out for mice and things can really hurt the pets we love! It was just a horrible event and my ds slept on the sofa for 2 weeks. We miss her everyday and even my "cat lover" hubby was quite distraught. We do our best to remember the love and fun we had. I hope she is running around doggie heaven with my old pets! big huggs and warm thoughts to you!