How do I handle this situation?

[beth_67]

My son is engaged to get married in June. The girl he is marrying is a little overweight. My mother insists on telling everyone about her weight. It is really beginning to bother me, my mother is no small woman by no means. How do I handle this situation? I know if it gets back to the girl it will hurt her tremendously and my son too. Thanks for your help.

[charliemae]

Beth, that is terrible! You are so right that it will hurt the bride's feelings. Ask your mother to PLEASE reconsider and to think about what it will do for the poor girl, not to mention what people will think of your mother. Ask her what she wishes to accomplish by doing this. Does she not like the girl? Is her intent malicious? Does she want to alienate her grandson? I'm sure that people who look at the bride will know how she is built, so they really don't need to be told about her weight. Once the damage is done, the hurt will be so deep that nothing will be able to repair it. The only other thing that I can think of, though it may be harsh, is not to let your mother attend the wedding. Her behavior seems almost childish. You might even want to threaten to have nothing more to do with her. None of this is meant to offend or hurt you, because I'm sure that you love your mother, but I think in this case your son should come first and if his bride is hurt so he will be hurt too. Good luck...I pray that you can handle this diplomatically so that nobody is hurt. Keeping you in my prayers.

[Manistique]

My son is engaged to get married in June. The girl he is marrying is a little overweight. My mother insists on telling everyone about her weight. It is really beginning to bother me, my mother is no small woman by no means. How do I handle this situation? I know if it gets back to the girl it will hurt her tremendously and my son too. Thanks for your help.

I'd tell your mother she is being rude and hurtful, and ask her what she's trying to accomplish besides alienating her grandson, his soon-to-be-bride, and you.

Is this kind of "gossiping" unusual for your mother, or is she generally catty? Does she not like the girl? What do you think is motivatig this behavior?

[beth_67]

I don't understand why she is doing it. She has always been a negative person. She has only met her one time. I love my mom, but have had about all I can take. Thank you all for your help. I don't know how else to tell her than to say, I don't want to hear it anymore. She's the type that won't even listen to that though. I just don't know how to handle it from there.

[Manistique]

I don't understand why she is doing it. She has always been a negative person. She has only met her one time. I love my mom, but have had about all I can take. Thank you all for your help. I don't know how else to tell her than to say, I don't want to hear it anymore. She's the type that won't even listen to that though. I just don't know how to handle it from there.

I think you have to be more assertive than to say you don't want to hear it---I think you have to tell her outright to stop gossiping about your DD-in-law's weight!

Good luck!

[LuvMaui]

Hi Beth:

If it was my Mom, I would call her and say... "Keep it up Mom and you won't be coming to the wedding".

Good Luck!

[JuneBug]

(((Beth))), I agree with the other ladies here....you need to draw a pretty big line in the sand....subtle isn't going to work here obviously...you need to be as blunt as she's being...put a very clear "stop it" out there with a very clear consequence....Good luck!
Janice

[Marian Paroo]

Hi Beth:

If it was my Mom, I would call her and say... "Keep it up Mom and you won't be coming to the wedding".

Good Luck!

If there was a rec(ommend) or rep(utation-good) function I would hit it for you!

[LoveRainbows]

I agree with everyone! You really need to say something. Your daughter in-law is new coming into the family. You really need to make her feel welcome any way you can.

If she happens to hear what your mother is saying about her it could really start some bad blood early on. It something that will stay with her for a long time, maybe forever.

My husband's uncle said something about me early on and it has always stayed with me. It really hurt my feelings and I try to not let it show around family. Everytime I see him though it reminds me of how he really feels about me.

It makes me put up a wall when I'm around him. I just wish I would have found this out before I made him my son's godfather. I would have talked my husband into choosing someone else from his family.

So I would put a stop to your mom's big mouth before something worse happens. Help your son to start off his family in a good way. Good luck to you!!

[beth_67]

Thank you. You all are right. I am going to tell her I don't want to hear it no more and if she wants anything to do with her grandson, I suggest she keep her mouth shut, because she will just be pushing him away. I knew what I needed to do, I just needed to hear someone else say it. I know that sounds stupid, but I needed that push. Thanks again.

[blondgrl]

awhh Beth,
I think you are right to step in in private and speak to your mother because you realize the potential negative and hurtful things which could result from these comments. I applaud you that you are willing to stick up for your new DIL. Looks like she is getting a great MIL.

[boristhecat]

Being overweight myself from time to time, i don't think i would be visiting her if she was my spouse's grandmother. As sensitive as my hubby is about me, he wouldn't want anyone hurting my feelings and probably would tell them to shut up about it and other stuff i can't mention. Your are a good mother in law already.Best to the bride and groom.