Working Mothers

[crunchies0313]

I was once asked by my neighbor across the street if I felt deprived of anything because my mother worked. I did not know how to answer that because I always thought it was weird that she didn't work. Now my parents did what they had to and I went to day care everyday before and after school, but I never thought anything about it. It didn't bother me at all. Now that I am older I wonder how life would have been if my mom wasn't a teacher and stayed home. I wonder what I will do if I ever have children. My question is what makes you mind up for you if money is not an issue?

[Canadian Girl]

When I was a teenager and in my early 20's, it was no brainer: When I would have children, I would be a SAHM. Then, sometime in my late 20's, something happenned. I think it was a realization that being away from the work market for several years would result in being set back several years, in not being up to par on new developments and, also, in being away from a millieu I simply thrive on. So I knew, at that point, that I would most likely be a working mother.

When my son was born, in 1991, I did consider, for those 7 months of my maternity leave, the possibility of not going back to work: I loved that little guy sooooo much and couldn't fathom being away from him for most of the day. In the end, the money was big issue and I went back to work.

When my DD was about 2 yo, I left my job of 17 years and actually gave being a SAHM a try. I simply hated it: I missed the camaraderie, the contact and my job. I was miserable and was actually resenting the time with my children :(

Since then I've come to terms with it: I love what I do, I have a carreer that's been progressing nicely and, by working, I can give my children and, especially, my daughter, a role model of a successful woman. I also really enjoy the time I spend with my family.

I think that's the real meaning of "quality time".

[lilorphann]

I was lucky to never "have" to work and was able to be with both my children when they were little until they entered school. I now own a business and it was something I chose to do for me.

I feel my children have both done really well with this decision and have not suffered at all for it. It has made them understand that with hard work and dedication you can achieve your dreams and goals and make a good life for yourself.

They have never complained that I am at work too much nor have their grades suffered. They are both straight A students and my oldest will graduate in May Valedictorian of his class. I am proud of my decision and my family for all they have done to help me along the way.

[Tracy]

When I was pregnant with our first child (daughter) I didn't really think about staying at home much. My mom always worked, I didn't know any different. Then we interviewed a few sitters and it physically made me ill. I was able to stay at home until about 5 years later. We had had another child (son) and he was about 1. I craved adult conversation. I met our new insurance agent and took a liking to him, he had just started a new agency. I told him he needed a secretary that I was tired of getting his voice mail and he called me a month later and offered me a job, part time. That was 7 years ago. I would love to stay at home again but I love my job, the extra money and my boss and his family of 10 children. My in-laws are retired and they love helping out with the children. I have been truly blessed!!! :D

[mrcleansmrs]

Staying home was not an option at the time, and now that it is, our dd will be 13 and really doesn't need me on her heels 24/7. I am very lucky though, when ever I needed someone to help out my parents and sisters were always there. I also have a very flexable position. 24 hrs notice is all I really need to give to avoid penalty. Even if a situation "might" come up, as long as I can make arrangements in advance, all is good.

[QuiltAngel]

When my oldest son was born, my husband was in school full time, I worked part time, though almost fulltime. That was hard. I took a year off while he did a one year internship which was paid, then I worked a year with neighbor/friend as babsitter. Then I did not work until the third one was 2 or 3. I worked part time and then worked into more hours. I liked the part time work as one of us was usually able to be home with them

Have not worked for the last 7 years as we moved and there is not much here and we were finally where I did not have to work. I found that teenages need their parents around alot too. They have so much going on in their lives that to be able to talk with a parent when they come home really helps them.

[Mysty]

When I was growing up both my parents worked. I had to come home after school and stay with my younger brother. I cooked meals and had them ready when my parents arrived home. I always wished I would have been able to be in after school activities like some of my friends. Now I have a daughter and I am very happy to be home when she gets off the school bus. I am there for any problems at school and for homework issues etc. I worked many years in a PreSchool and those children were fantastic and did great too! I remember some wanting to stay with me and not leave with their parents...(sniff) I would have cried. Children adapt so well, I am just happy I am not missing out on things that she would have experienced with a preschool teacher.

[drake4]

I have been on both sides of the fence. I have worked some and stayed home some. I got benefits from both. though i chose now to work that my youngest in 8. I work 30 to 35 hours a week at a job i love. I guess that makes it worth it for me.

[Texas-Ali]

I was at home for a while with the boys, but my husband passed away when my youngest was 1, so I had to work. I found a nanny to come in and take care of them while I was not home, she got the two older boys on the bus and kept the little one all day, cleaned the house, did home work and started dinner. She was part of the reason we were able to pull everything off, and she really made my life much easier.

Since the boys were really little then, I went to school online at night, and finished my degree. I now have a great job, at nice company 5 miles from the house. If I need to run home, I do. If I have over time that needs to be done, I do it at the house. My boys have done very well, decent grades for 2 and amazing grades for one. The 2 at home still play sports, and my oldest coaches at the rec center across from his apartment when he is not at work.

They are good kids. But since I was an only parent, we talked every day. We made time, no matter what else was going on. My mother actually yelled at me one time because the house was not as clean as hers (yes, no kids at her house, perfect white carpet). I told her if my house was spotless I was ignoring my kids. I have enough money for a maid now, but it took a while.

Since I am adopting a baby girl, I have made a list of nanny services and will start interviewing nanny's as soon as the homestudy is done. I want her at home, instead of daycare, since it will be too much like the orphanage and I don't want to stress her out.

And yes, kids can be pretty wonderful with day care or nannies or at home mom's. I guess since it was not optional for me, I never worried about it.

[Kate]

I was priviledged to have my mom stay home with me for a lot of my childhood. It is something that I will do when I get married and have kids. I would rather sacrifice for some years and be around my kids as they grow up. Being a SAHM is something that I look forward to doing in my future. Those years you'll never get back.

[Lee]

When my daughter was born in 1991I was planning on going back to work, after just a couple weeks my husband and I agreed that it was too hard to leave her all day with a baby-sitter, I stayed home and baby-sat other kids to bring in some money, in 1991 my son was born very premature, I had no choice but to be home with him, I quit baby-sitting after he got RSV and landed in the hospital. Once my son got older (4 yrs) we really needed the 2nd income, I managed to find a job doing respite care for 20 hours over the weekend, I didn't see my husband enough but the kids always had one parent with them, a few years later I found a second shift job at an insurance company and that left us with only 10 minutes between my starting work and him getting home. Today I still work at the insurance company but go to work right after my son leaves for school and get home shortly before the bus drops him off, it works out great. Sometimes you just have to figure out what works best for your family.

[sherry]

When I was growing up my mom always HAD to work. I hated not having her more - I have three other sisters, too, so we all had to share her with her job.

When I had my first daughter I HAD to work and go to college at the same time. I hated leaving the six week old to go work. Then I divorced her Dad and went to live near my sister in Colorado so I could go to school to make a better life for my daughter and I. I finished school, got commissioned in the AF, but three years after that married my present dh.

We then had three more kids of our own. We could afford me staying home. I LOVED being there for everything, I didn't work full time ever again until this last month (20 year break from work/school), but I always went to school all along, to keep from going cabin crazy with four kids at home!

[saleonar]

This is the eternal, internal struggle for me. I ache to be home but need to work. Before I got pregnant, I was half-way done with my Master's degree. After I gave birth to our twin sons 10 weeks early, I felt I needed to stay home with them. The only problem was -- we had 30 week preemies with tons of medical problems and my job had the better insurance. So, after what seemed to be such a short maternity leave (majority having already been spent at home on bedrest prior to their birth) I went back to work. We found a pediatric LPN who cared for high-risk infants in her home -- what a blessing. For the first two years or so, I worked to pay for insurance, copays on medical bills, and to pay the LPN to care for them. We lived off my husbands salary.

Now, I still work. The boys are healthier -- though not perfectly healthy -- and in first grade. In the past year, we transferred to a new state for my career. Unfortunately it has not been a seamless transition. Prior to this, I was the "primary parent" --even though we both worked, I worked closest to home and had a bit more flexibility (read: I was able to ask for it when needed). With the promotion, my husband has had to take on the "primary parent" role. Even though he works as well, my job is a bit of a commute and not as flexible. This has been a real challenge for us to negotiate as he has been so accustomed to me taking care of everything for the boys.

Is there a best? Is there a right answer? I don't know. My mother worked and I complained, but now I understand. My sons complain and pour on the guilt, but I think they understand and respect what hard work can produce. However, I ultimately believe that I will not know if I have done the right thing until years from now when they are older, successful and writing their memoirs! We'll see how I fare in black and white. :rolleyes:

[busymom]

I am very fortunate, I have always been able to work where it benefits my children. When my youngest was a baby I worked for a wonderful program called Parents As Teachers which works with children birth to age 5 and as she got older and started school I work in the elementary school where she is. It is nice to have the same days off and holidays. It is also great because I know what is going on in the other schools where I have other children. I am not so sure they like it since I know more than they do most of the time. I also am able to work with my best friend so I feel like I have the best of both worlds....