Worried about being dependant

[LuvMaui]

I had a job and worked outside of the home all my adult life, until last year. Now I am a homemaker and help care for my twin Grandson's.

It's been almost 2 years and I still feel like I am hanging out on a limb. I feel like the money I spend belongs to my husband... After all he has the job and earned it.

What do you Girl's think? Am I smart to worry about being dependant or have I just been raised in a very feminist society? :shrug:

[Marian Paroo]

I had a job and worked outside of the home all my adult life, until last year. Now I am a homemaker and help care for my twin Grandson's.

It's been almost 2 years and I still feel like I am hanging out on a limb. I feel like the money I spend belongs to my husband... After all he has the job and earned it.

What do you Girl's think? Am I smart to worry about being dependant or have I just been raised in a very feminist society?

I don't quite follow: are you using "feminist" as a dirty word? You are very, very smart to worry about being dependent. You are doing enough work at home beinga homemaker and caring for two children who if they are your grandsons are also his, right?

One of the early items on the feminist agenda was to demand a more equal social security for women who did not go out to work, based on the value of HER housework, and not on her husband's job.

I hope that there is not a problem in your relatonship with your husband that you are not telling us. If there is, you wouldn't be the first woman who's husband skipped off with all the savings.

[LuvMaui]

Hi Marian:

I don't use feminist as a "dirty word", but after much thought, the way I feel has nothing to do with being a feminist, but everything to do with the way my father treated my Mother.

I'm the youngest of 12 children. By the time I was 10, my Mom was 50 and pretty worn looking. My Father degraded her, eventhough "She" raised us kids while he was on the road. I had my first job at 13 and have always made my own money.

My husband is the most awsome man you would ever want to know. He supports me in what ever I chose to do. He says he loves me being home. I believe him.

I do know that if my husband was to up and leave me, I can take care of myself. I would be broken hearted, but I know how to work and make money.

Thanks! I think this conversation has helped me a lot. :)

[Marian Paroo]

Hi Marian:

I don't use feminist as a "dirty word", but after much thought, the way I feel has nothing to do with being a feminist, but everything to do with the way my father treated my Mother.

I'm the youngest of 12 children. By the time I was 10, my Mom was 50 and pretty worn looking. My Father degraded her, eventhough "She" raised us kids while he was on the road. I had my first job at 13 and have always made my own money.

My husband is the most awsome man you would ever want to know. He supports me in what ever I chose to do. He says he loves me being home. I believe him.

I do know that if my husband was to up and leave me, I can take care of myself. I would be broken hearted, but I know how to work and make money.

Thanks! I think this conversation has helped me a lot. :)

I'm glad you are happy and that my comments helped you formulate your thoughts. You and your mom and sibs must of had a rotten time of it.

It's a real bummer when a woman gets that mixed message that she should stay at home and be a housewife (I use the words housewife and homemaker as two completely separate concepts), but that the work she's doing isn't the same as the Big Man's Bringing Home the Bacon is.

I get really defensive when women criticize feminism, as you can imagine from the slogan I use, but I discussed all that on another thread, long ago.

[LuvMaui]

Marian,

I know you get very defensive anytime I bring up anything to do with feminism. But that's ok. It doesn't upset me that there are other people in this world that might not think exactly like me. I figure the day will come when we will all share in the same truth. ;)

[Marian Paroo]

Marian,

I know you get very defensive anytime I bring up anything to do with feminism. But that's ok. It doesn't upset me that there are other people in this world that might not think exactly like me. I figure the day will come when we will all share in the same truth. ;)


Oh, I can dig a good screaming debate anytime. It' just annoys me when someone thinks that it's the same people who ground Rosie the Riviter down in the 50s are the ones who let her spirng up again in the 70s.

What's this "same truth" thing?

[LuvMaui]

I'm not up for a screaming debate, but I do enjoy listening to the views and beliefs of others. I learn a lot by listening and discussing. Screaming debates make me put us walls and cold to any new views put before me. I understand passion, but I choose not to do the heated debate thing.

What is truth to me, may not be truth for you. I believe in God and I have faith that he created us with a purpose, and one day he will make clear to us his truth. My belief is that God does not hold a man higher than a woman. He made us equal, but different. We were made to compliment each other, not to compete with each other. I believe that a woman is born with many instincts and skills that are not born in a man and vise versa.

There is no cookie cutter for women. We are all different and that is part of what makes us so beautiful! I agree we should have the right to pursue what inspires us, and that includes taking care of our husband and children and making a wonderful home. I feel that I am having a tough time valuing my work as a Homemaker and Grandmother, verses me as the confident, decision making career woman who brought home a big paycheck. In other words, I'm my own worst enemy.

What do you believe?

[gardengal]

Cindy,
I have the same belief as you, that we will all come to know the same truth. I work full time now. I chose to stay home for 20 years and raise my boys. I felt very blessed to have had the choice to do so, I realize that's not an option for the majority of women. I have an awesome husband who supported my decision to stay home and now supports my decision to work full time.
There were plenty of times along the way when I wished I had a job to go to instead of being a full time homemaker. But now I look back and wouldn't take back a single day of that time. Savor each day with those babies, watch them grow moment by moment. Each one of those moments will be forever etched into their memories and yours. No paycheck can compare to those treasures. You said your husband supports you in this so count that as part of your treasure. You have been blessed with this new season of your lifes journey. I say enjoy it to the fullest!

Michelle

[LuvMaui]

Cindy,
I have the same belief as you, that we will all come to know the same truth. I work full time now. I chose to stay home for 20 years and raise my boys. I felt very blessed to have had the choice to do so, I realize that's not an option for the majority of women. I have an awesome husband who supported my decision to stay home and now supports my decision to work full time.
There were plenty of times along the way when I wished I had a job to go to instead of being a full time homemaker. But now I look back and wouldn't take back a single day of that time. Savor each day with those babies, watch them grow moment by moment. Each one of those moments will be forever etched into their memories and yours. No paycheck can compare to those treasures. You said your husband supports you in this so count that as part of your treasure. You have been blessed with this new season of your lifes journey. I say enjoy it to the fullest!

Michelle

Thank you Michelle, that helps me know I'm doing the right thing and that my time is valued. My Grandson's just love me. I get kisses, hugs and they even share their gooey cookies with me. I love it. :p

[Marian Paroo]

I'm not up for a screaming debate, but I do enjoy listening to the views and beliefs of others. I learn a lot by listening and discussing. Screaming debates make me put us walls and cold to any new views put before me. I understand passion, but I choose not to do the heated debate thing.


What is truth to me, may not be truth for you. I believe in God and I have faith that he created us with a purpose, and one day he will make clear to us his truth. My belief is that God does not hold a man higher than a woman. He made us equal, but different. We were made to compliment each other, not to compete with each other. I believe that a woman is born with many instincts and skills that are not born in a man and vise versa.

There is no cookie cutter for women. We are all different and that is part of what makes us so beautiful! I agree we should have the right to pursue what inspires us, and that includes taking care of our husband and children and making a wonderful home. I feel that I am having a tough time valuing my work as a Homemaker and Grandmother, verses me as the confident, decision making career woman who brought home a big paycheck. In other words, I'm my own worst enemy.

What do you believe?

Oh, I'm a born debator. In my family the only real sin was not having an opinion. Must have scared my parents from time to time with mine!


I believe in God, and think He has a lot of explaining to do, but you got me on this question on the eve of Holocaust Rememberance Day.

So all I can say about His planning is if you ever see Yehuda Pollikar's film Because of that War and hear what Pollikar's father has to say, well I agree with it.

I can get back to God and gender another time...

[godzgurl]

I have 4 kids ages 19,17,15, and 12 and worked most of the time when they were growing up. I feel very blessed to be able to stay home now. My DH is very supportive of this.

I'm also very happy because I just found out I will be a grandma soon. So I am glad to be able to be here for my daughter and future son in law.

In my opinion, I think it's the best thing for the woman to stay at home if she can.