Abstinence and Babies

[mikki34]

I've been dating a man for a few months now. Yes, we have been intimate. He informed me the other day that he was reading the bible and he now wants to abstain from sex. Do you think its a scapegoat and maybe he doesn't want to be with me? Also we have the issue that I can't have anymore children due to a hysterectomy. I have one child of my own and I'm adopting my niece. He has no children. He claims that he cares for me but he wants his own child. I'm afraid that if I continue the relationship he is going to walk out on me due to the fact that I can't provide him with a child if we ever decide to get married. Other than praying on it...what do I do? I care for him deeply.

[Sofina]

Hi mikki,
It is possible that this man has been reading in his Bible and is truly convicted that what you were doing was wrong. I don't know him or how honorable he is,but most men wouldn't take this particular position for any other reason other than because they honestly were wanting to do what is right since it isn't the natural desire of most.
If he really is looking to do what is right and he decides he doesn't want to be with you he will make that decision based on his heart and what he feels there and how God is leading him.

If he is truly looking to grow in his relationship with God and do what is right, he'll be looking for a woman who can support him in that and help him to do and be what he feels God is calling him to be.
If you care for him and feel you are meant to be with him you need to search your own heart and find what God is saying to you. If the two of you can come together in a union of the heart and the spirit you will have a bond so strong it will stand all the other things that might challenge it. I believe if God puts you together it won't matter to him if you can give him more children or not.

I hope you know that what ever happens in this relationship you are perfect just the way you are and will make some man a wonderful wife. Don't sell yourself short thinking you aren't enough in anyway.
Be honest and open about your fears. I hope this works out the way you want it, but if not trust that there is a plan. This just wasn't it.
Blessings, Sofina

[mikki34]

Well I posted my issue yesterday and only recieved one reponse. I want to thank the woman who responded to me. I needed that. The guy in question called me this morning to tell me he no longer wants to be with me. He can't stand the thought of me not being able to give him a child. He feels that having a child will make his life complete. He claims that he cares for me but cannot be with me because this. I told him from our first date that i wasn't capable of having kids. Now my heart is broken because I truly cared for him. I hope that God takes this pain away soon and that I find a man who excepts me for me. :(

[mikki34]

Sofina,

Thank you for responding to my issues. Although things didn't work it help me see that I am a worthy person.

Mikki

[Kathy]

Hi Mikki,

I've merged your two threads together since they are the same...we ask members to update their current threads and not start a new one for the same topic. ;)

Additionally, I've moved this thread to the relationship area since I believe that this is a topic well suited to discuss broken relationships with a boyfriend.

I'm praying for your broken heart. ((( Mikki )))

[mikki34]

Thank you...I wasn't sure how to do that.

[spin462002]

Dear Mikki, he unfairly took advantage of you and you deserve so much better than that. One day you will be able to look back and see that you made a lucky escape! You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, he was a loser!

Be kind to yourself, you couldn't have known he would treat you that way.

hugs
spin

[NeNe]

Hi Mikki,

I am so sorry to hear about this problem that you have. I too once had a man tell me that he couldn't be intimate with me anymore because he was in church and it was against what the bible taught. We had been together and I gave my all to him, including money. I thought he was a good man and went along with his beliefs because I loved him so much and wanted to be with him and please him. We both had children from other marriages and when we did talk about it we agreed that we didn't want any more children from each other.

Well, to make a long story short. I tried to conform to his way of thinking, even joining his church, gave him money to keep for me, tried everything to make him love me as much as I loved him. Then one day he calls and tells me he's seeing someone else. He ended up marrying her, had two kids and I never got my money back. He even went so far as to say I gave him the money, like why would I do that? I was struggling to make ends meet.

I was heartbroken for a long while. My heart hurt like it never hurt before. Felt like someone close to me died. But there is a happy ending. I met a wonderful man who is now my husband. I love him so much and looking back on it I feel I love him more than the guy that I thought I couldn't live without. My husband has given me more love than the other man ever could have and I am better off than I ever thought I'd be.

I still run into the other man sometimes in town. I now look at him and feel nothing, except maybe foolish and anger for letting him trick me into falling in love with him so he could take advantage of me. And I feel pity for his wife because she doesn't look too happy. Please remember this. This too shall pass and you will meet the love of your life given time. Pick yourself up and go about you life. Forget him. He wasn't good for you anyway and a man that uses the bible isn't a christian to start with. You deserve better than that. I know how your feeling but please don't waste anymore time on him. It will get better, I promise.

[Mori]

My advice is to move on with your life & forget about him as much as it hurts you. You were honest from the start about not being able to have children & yet he allowed himself to get involved with you anyways. He isn't worth your time & doesn't sound like a very sensitive man for using your inability to have a child as an excuse for ending the relationship. Don't try to cling to a relationship that will make you feel inadequate & leave one of you unfullfilled, because it won't last. Sorry if I sound harsh, but he doesn't sound worth the heartache. :comfort: