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View Full Version : Slap me out of this!


showme girl
02-13-2006, 08:59 PM
I'm married happily for 20 years! My husband is the best.

About a year ago an old boyfriend moved to my state. We had talked and exchanged Christmas cards off and on but not seen each other in 25 years! He lives 3 hours from here. His sister lives here near me, but I don't know her and he comes to town on occasion. We chatted a few times by phone and email. We had a bunch of things in common, from the same area, went to the same college, same backgrounds, loss of parents, lived in the same towns at different times and now right here together again.

I though it would be fun to talk. I talk to both male and female friends I've know since kindergarten. I though we both were mature adults. Well, from the beginning, I should have known he was up to no good. He used my recent hysterectomy, no children, birthday blues and just feeling low to try and get under my skin. He said he would just be there for me to talk.

At the time, my husband was very busy at work and I was feeling neglected. At first it was flattering until things went from bad to worse and he even suggested we meet privately sometime. I said no and it would never happen--I told him I was even uncomfortable talking that way. Of course, then came he never meant to make me uncomfortable, yada, yada.....He always had all the right answers.

He was divorced for 5 years from a 10 year marriage. Could not do anything but badmouth his ex. Though he had just moved here, he already had several women on a string.

He contacted me fairly frequently then not at all. Then back again when he was having some troubles with his latest conquest. I finally had enough of his innuendos and wrote a scathing email telling him all of his bad points and how he hadn't changed a bit in 25 years (it was not a complement)!

Well, talk about a stroke....he went bizerk! He knew I was spot on with everything and he couldn't handle it. I wish I had said these things 25 years ago. He told me to never contact him again.

Problem is, I can't stop thinking about him. Every day!

What is my problem??? I love my husband, would NEVER cheat on him and he the same with me.

Help......I just need someone else to tell me what I already know. Please no holds barred!

Sofina
02-13-2006, 09:43 PM
showme girl,
Good for you, putting him in his place and getting outta there! *outtahere
I personally feel you play with fire when you communicate with old boyfriends outside of the safe confines of your dh's presence. I guess we all have to decide for ourselves, but for me, I would never risk that. I've been married for 33 yrs and know that "but for the grace of God" we could fall prey to someone who would care nothing about our vows and committment to each other and temp us to destroy what God has spent years building. I would never risk that.
I feel you have opened your heart to this man and that is why you are struggling to rid yourself of his memory. You may need to talk to your dh about it. Focusing on him now and how much you love him and want your marriage to be the best it can be will help put the thought of another man out of your head.
I wish you the best. I think you are probably not at all alone in this struggle. So many women are led astray in their thought lives, even when they have no intention on acting on the thoughts. All I can say is "RUN"
HUGS

showme girl
02-13-2006, 10:05 PM
I appreciate your insight. Everytime someone talks like you it helps a little bit more. :)

spin462002
02-14-2006, 02:52 PM
You played with fire girl, and you got burnt! It could have been much worse! You are obsessing and he's a loser!! You already knew that! He offered excitement and flattery and that's a powerful combination.

Try spending the time you spent obsessing about him doing more healthy things, keep busy, improve yourself by going back to school or starting a home business, take responsibility for your thoughts and control them. I know you can do it.

Another thing I find helpful is to write a list of all the things in your life you have to be thankful for. 100 at least. Every week.

Read Dr Phil's book "Life Strategies". Do the work. Mean it.

Forgive yourself and move on. Time to leave teenage behaviour behind. Look to the future and work to make it happy.

I know you can do it, you are stronger than you think.
hugs
spin

ashanti1922
02-14-2006, 02:53 PM
You are better because of it.

danasaunt
02-15-2006, 09:08 AM
I think you feel that way because you let him "have it" after all these years and, in your heart-you hated telling him any negitive things. Especially after knowing him so long. You probably HATED being mean to anyone, much less an ex-boyfriend. but you are the better for it--for making "your" thoughts known to "him". and not holding it in as some of us would do. I dont see anything wrong with meeting up with him and I gathered it was only as a "friend". Now if you were meeting him on the sly that would be a different story...

showme girl
02-15-2006, 09:41 AM
Everyone is so right......no I didn't do anything on the sly. I'm married! Happily......my husband knows everything!!

I just let an idiot get into my head. Someone with no morals and willing to tear down someone else's life, and happiness for his own personal benefit or better yet the sport of it all!!

I usually let that kind of stuff just go and ignored him and his messages. I finally had seen the last one and wanted no more to do with someone that had not changed for the better in all that time. I really feel sad for someone like that. There is no helping them and it is not my place to do so.

I'm glad this forum exists so I was able to get it off my chest and move on! Great to hear others saw it the way I did and didn't judge me for being so mean and cruel to someone. I hate acting that way.

Have a great day everyone.......all of this started last year on this day (my birthday)......that year has passed and I'm older and wiser!

Smiles everyone!!!!!!!! :D