A Friend thats Always Upset

[LoveRainbows]

A close friend of mine who I work with is always upset about something going on in her life.Every week it's something either her kids, hubby, money issues, & so on.I really like her alot and think she's a good friend.I try my best to be a good friend also, but it seems everytime I try to give her a little advice she bites my head off. :headscrat

I realize that she gets very upset and try to listen with an open mind, but she keeps going & going.Then when I try to give her some positive ways to go about things she snaps at me.Most of the time I just try and listen.When I see her crying my heart goes out to her and I want to help any way I can.I've even lost sleep worrying about her.I've told her time & time again how I feel.It's just everytime I try and give advice *omg* ,she bites my head off!I don't know what to do anymore.I know you can't make someone do something they don't want too.I see her just getting deeper & deeper in this black hole she's in & I don't know how to help.I've taken her out to try and get her mind off things.I always call her back right away in case she needs something.I guess that I just need to listen and that's it.It's been like this for almost a yr. It's starting to make me a little nuts. :frazzled:

I've never really had someone bite my head off everytime I gave a little advice. :shrug:

[Brennys Gramma]

I've had friends and family members like this and it can be tough! I gradually realized I needed to set boundaries and this has helped a lot. Now I can do a better job of listening instead of trying to help and I don't feel so resentful. Sometimes I'll call just to say hello, stating upfront that I have some plans but that I want to let them know I'm thinking about them. Sometimes when they call I make sure to mention that I am on my way out the door or something similar. It is wonderful to be a good friend, but you also teach people how to treat you. There have even been times that I've told the person that it can be stressful for me sometimes to hear so much of the negative stuff. Often, once you start being this open it can change the relationship for the better. Of course this isn't always the case...
Good luck!

Pamela

[TessiNY]

My friend / co-worker is like this and it's very difficult to keep from knocking her butt to the ground sometimes. It is always about her and her problems. I don't try to give advice because she doesn't take it any how and just ends up crabbing about the next gripe on her list.

Last week my dog bit my granddaughter on the cheek (4 stiches for her, 10 days confinement for him) and I went to work the next day upset and telling my co-workers about it when she interrupted with a story about her daughter growing up. Her daughter is now 37 and the story had nothing to do with an animal bite so I got upset and walked away.

I've stopped seeing her outside of work because I feel like I am supposed to compete. She has one child, not living near here, no grandkids, paid for home, hubby, pets but acts like none of the rest of us have a care in the world. I try to maintain civility at work because she is our receptionist but likes to schedule me extremely heavily if I have done something to offend. And boss man is oblivious and won't say anything so I let is slide.

[joyinaz]

Oh i can soooo sympathize. I have a close friend who is like this and who thinks i am suppose to be at her beck and call. It is driving me insane. She is very snappish and says she can handle the truth, but she can't. I avoid alot of issues with her because of this. It is hard. I quit talking to her for a while because of it. And just recently started the friendship again. I am wits ends at times. I just feel there must be a reason I was brought back into her life. I believe all things happen for a reason, but at times, i really ask myself what, why, where, how etc.....:)

[wingriderprincess]

I had a *friend* like this once and one day, I looked up the meaning of *friend*. Webster says, "a person attached to another by respect or affection: one who is not hostile; one who supports or favors". I didn't see any of these attributes in her so I have become "friendly" but not a close friend. My anxiety level is much better. Dr. Phil says, "we teach others how to treat us".
Sometimes I have to be "home, but hiding" :scaredcou:

It saves my sanity. :rolleyes:

[joyinaz]

I hear ya on the hiding....I will do what i can for now...and then do what i have to if it comes to that....hopefully it won't...:) Women can just be very fickle ppl in my opinion. I don't like the games. :rolleyes:

[Nelly]

I would stop giving her advice and just say, "That's terrible. That's too bad. That's a shame."

[Poochie]

TessiNY....where are you at in upstate NY?
I was born and raised in a little town called North Rose.
I now live in SC.
I am VERY homesick at the moment!!

Rozanen

[TessiNY]

I'm not familiar with North Rose but I was born and raised in the Star Lake area--foot hills of the Adirondacks. I now live in Black River which is near the Army installation Fort Drum. We are about 80 miles north of Syracuse. Being military, we have moved a lot, I met my hubby when he was stationed here in the 80's and after 10 years of being gone, asked him to bring me home!! I love it here :D

[Poochie]

Theresa,
North Rose is abou 45 minutes west of Syracuse,
right off Route 104.
Nice to chat with someone from home!!

Rozanne

[spasmo]

I would say two things about this... one is to set limits and boundaries. You get to define the interactions you have with this friend and I would try to have some things that I do with her that are upbeat (like going to a museum) that dont give her the opportunity to endlessly vent.

I would also say that she is looking for an audience and not for you to give her solutions to her problems. Had she been looking for that she would have been more responsive to you when you offered help.

I know that it is hard to watch a friend in this situation, but with friendship there has to be give and take and she has to be there for you too. Is she? If she is simply looking for an audience for the drama I would start pulling back and spending time with other people who are REALLY friends.