Need your help

[Kim308pl]

OK please tel me what you would do here. I found out my son is buying breakfast at school again. We have gone through this since he was in first grade. We can't afford the lunch and breakfast at school that would be like 82.50 a month on food. He is know in 6th grade suppose to be in 8th. He knows better.

WEll Iw as telling my mom about this last night and that he had a -9.50 n his account. My mom got really mad at my son, she said she was not gonan tell me why, I talked her into and promised I would not tell JJ. He talks to his nana and I do not want to jeapordize that.

My mom told me that every month JJ calls her and asks her for money. She knows he is not suppose to buy breakfast. She asks him why mom or dad will not give him the money and he tells her it is because he has been buying breakfast and he needs to put money in the account so that I will not find out. Mom has been giving him the money, she said she did this last year. This made me very mad, I told her that she was helping him LIE to his parents, she did not see it that was. She said she saw it as keeping him out of trouble and helping us.

The more I have thouht about it, the more mad I get. To be this is an issue of trust. Yes she is the grandma and I understand spoiling your kids, but she should have told him that he needed to tell me what he was doing. She should have not gave him the money and help him go behind our backs. The problem being if I say anything to her, she will get devensive, get mad at me for only voicing my opinion as to what is right and wrong and probably disown me for the millionth time. I do not know what to do here.

I can trust him to be with here in feaer that she will help him do something that we are against. HOw would he be ablet o learn the true values if she helps him go be hind our backs and what about the respect issue. He is playing us. I am just so mad and I am not sure how to handle it.

I have not told JJ I know and he was to call his nana last night, so I am not sure what they talked about. I thouht about listening in and then jumping his butt after I did, but I do not want to go against his privacy either. I have not told my husband cause all you know what will break loose.

What should I do?

Kim

[royallady]

Ok my dear this is my opinion only... This is your child. Not your mothers and what you say goes and she should respect that.

When my son was about 7, i was doing the dishes and he asked if he could help. I said yes and gave him just the plastic dishes to dry. Well my mother came by one day while we were doing our dishes. She came up to my son and took the cloth away from him and said he should not be doing that, it was womens work. Well I just went off. i told her that she has no right to tell my son things like that and doing dishes is work just work and if she cannot respect what goes on in my house she is not welcome and could leave.

Well she left and my son refused to do dishes with me for a long time. Cause nanny said it was for girls and he was not a girl. I was very angry at her for a long time. I did get over it eventually. Not sure if this will help. I think grandparents need to be just that grandparents. She needs to let you know what is going on with your child and she is teaching him that lying to you is ok.

[Kathy]

((( Kim ))) This is a tough situation and I'm not sure what to say.

Sounds like two issues to me. The relationship with your mom and the food/money issues with your son. I am wondering if he is getting enough breakfast at home? Perhaps he is running out the door before breakfast or not eating enough? Then he gets to school hungry and needs food?

That is such a time for growing. Perhaps you can make sure he is stuffed with breakfast to take the pressure off his buying breakfast at school? From there you can go back and handle the lies?

And then you can back up and handle the situation with your mom?

[lilorphann]

In my personal opinion your mother is only giving him money for food; it's not like she is contributing to a crack habit. I mean she is feeding her grandson! If you cannot afford to do that then why not accept her help or try a reduced breakfast program at the school, if offered. Life is too short to trash a relationship over breakfast money.

[charliemae]

Being a grandmother myself, I have to say that I would NEVER go against the wishes of my own child and do anything behind her back. I ask permission first. If I were you, (only an opinion, of course) I would insist that he eats breakfast at home. I would then go to the school and close out his account. If that meant paying a balance, he would have to work it off around the house. This issue is a combination of 2 problems like Kathy said. Your son was sneaky about this, and your mother was too. Also, she did not respect your wishes and has overstepped her boundaries. Now, if your son gets an allowance and still wants breakfast at school, maybe he can pay for it himself. Good luck with this......I know I'd be rip-roaring mad at both of them.

[chickiebabe]

Kim,

I am a school lunch lady. The account cannot be closed, but see if a notation can be made on his account not to charge breakfast. This may sound harsh ( only an opinion), but maybe this will enable for him to learn that he needs to rise early so he can eat his breakfast at home. I too would not tell your DH cause you may not want to deal with the drama it would lead too. Do call the school and see about the reduced/free lunch program. We have it at my school and we have children who eat breakfast for free and or reduced and this includes their lunch as well. But if you don't qualify for the program, try to see if the kitchen manager and do that notation for you.

[Kim308pl]

Well see here is the thing. We can afford to pay for his school food. I pay 35.00 every month for his school lunches, well we can't afford lunch and breakfast. Hehas to be full when he leaves the house. He eats atleast 3 bowls of cerial or grits before he leaves. He told us he does it to be with his friends. See you can't go in the lunch room in the morning unless you are eating. So he eats that many bowls before he leaves for school and then eats breakfast at school..

As far as my mom. She knew he was not suppose to eat breakfast at school. She knew he was doing this and then asking her for the money to "cover it up". So I feel that she was elping him lie to his parents and that she was going against my wishes, which she does all the time anyway.

Her view is I am the grandparent, I can do what I want. Then gets mad when I will not let the kids have something or even ground them from it.

I have placed a notation on his lunch account, well the ladies in the lunch room did (I used to work with them), from now on it is no breakfast unless he has cash on hand. Which I can deal with that. If my mom wants to give him money so he can eat breakfast that is one thing, I can deal with it, but hiding that she was doing it to help him keep his account current to keep me from finding out is another thing.

Oh and we have tried to do the free/reduced lunch thing and we do not qualify...lol