Husband works nights

[Jojo]

Hi, How many of you have dh's who work nights? My dh has worked nights for 14 years and 12hour nights the last 6 or 7.

It is getting so hard to deal with as the need for sleep has become the deciding factor for anything he does. If he thinks something will interfere with his sleep later he won't do it. I hope this makes sense. We never have sex, it wears him out and messes him up for working....(he's only 46, I'm 44). The kids have been asking why he's sleeping so much lately. They are 17, 15, 10, and 7. He has no outside interests. When he is off and in between building projects, he doesn't do much of anything, but does love his computer. I've talked to him about depression, I was sure he'd see that things are not normal, but he just says its about sleep!

I've been praying about new job for him. We just can't let this continue. We've been married 20 years and are completely committed to each other, but this isn't much of a marriage.

What are your husbands like who work nights? Are they like this? What do you do to help? What can I do? I am going to see a counselor next week and at least get some help. I would sure appreciate your ideas or thoughts.

Jojo

[gemsab]

Jojo, my sister is in the same situation as you. Her DH always seems to be tired and never wants to do things around the house or with the kids. I really think it has to do with being in a different world than everyone else. Most of us work during the day and sleep at tnight. He is the opposite and from what I gather the sleep is not quite the same as for you or I. I feel for you. Good luck with the counseling and I hope someday your DH finds a dayshift job. They miss so much of their kids lives when they have to sleep the day away through no fault of their own.

Emily :hug: s

[charliemae]

Mine went on 3rd shift in 1975. At the time it was necessary because the kids were small and he
was able to watch them while I worked part-time during the day. He'd sleep when I got home. The downside was that he missed out on a lot of kid things when the kids started school. I felt very neglected at first, but I soon got over that. He's still on 3rd, I work 1st, and the kids are grown. I get quiet time to myself, and when he gets up at night we have time together before he gets ready for work. We have our weekends together and if we have a social function he gets some sleep early so he can be refreshed for our rare night out. He does some chores for me in the morning when he gets home from work...laundry, vacuuming and errands. In May we will celebrate our 37th anniversary, but I'm not sure we would have made it if we both worked 1st shift. After work I'm free to go out, like to my sister's or shopping....but wherever I go, I make sure I leave a note for him in case he wakes up while I'm out. He knows he can always get ahold of me if he has to.

[Alkentor]

It is great that you are going to see a counselor. Besides the crazy hours – there could be more gong on that is causing him to be so tired. You both need to know if he could be depressed and if so, how to treat it. A physical would be a good idea as well – just check all the possibilities.

I know this is rough on you, the kids, and your husband – I hope this turns around for you.

Best wishes,
Kelly

[Mori]

My husband also works nights from 5 p.m. to 4 a.m. 5 days a week & sleeps in the day as well. Sometimes I stay up & wait for him, or take a nap early & get up when he comes home. We usually have an "early morning coffee" together & then go to bed. I'm not working at the moment , so I'm able to do this without a problem. I just sleep in longer if my sleep pattern has been disturbed. :cool:

[Jojo]

I am hopeful things will improve. One of the hardest things along with nights, is my husband does not socialize. I kid around with him that he'd never see his family if it wasn't for me. So we don't do things with other couples and most functions I go alone.

So we need some work! :)

jojo

[gemsab]

My sister can so relate to that Jojo!

[homeschooling_momma]

my hubby works 2nds......most of our relationship hes worked 2nds or 3rds...

its a definate compromise for everyone involved, but definatley worth it...

[LoveRainbows]

Hi Jojo,
I am a working mom who works nights and my husband works days.For me it works out good.I also work 12 hr. shifts from 7 p.m. till 7 a.m. and have done this for the last 4 yrs. I sometimes feel like I'm missing out on life.On my days off I spend alot of time catching up on any sleep that I've lost.I've tried working days in the past, but it never works out.It's either something going on with the kids, babysitting problems or me & husband fighting all the time.I've found we get along alot better with us working different shifts.We get to miss being apart so when we are together we get along great.Having quiet time to myself is really nice too.Maybe try having date night where just you and your husband go out once a week.Don't take it personal if your husband has to catch up on some lost sleep.He just needs that time to catch up.Believe me, it's very hard trying to work those hrs. and live a normal life.

[MaddiesMommy]

Hi! My DH and I used to be in the same boat. He was either working from 2pm to 11pm or from 11pm to 7:30am. He would only have one weekend day off. I am (and was then too) working during the day, part time. I work during the hours our daughter is in school. When DH used to work from 2p-11p, our daughter used to cry for him. He job was 1 1/2 hours away (each way). So she never saw him except for 1 day on the weekend. When he switched to overnights, we saw him more... but he still seemed to like to sleep a whole lot.
I had to smile when I read the your hubby likes his computer. Mine does too. He always seemed to be able to stay up when he got home or get up early to play on the computer. He just seemed to have less time for us.
I started getting scared at every noise at night (I know I'm a wimp). So I was really praying DH would find a new job soon. We'd been praying for that for a long time. We wanted one closer to home and one where he could work earlier day shifts.
When I was where I really couldn't take it anymore... the nights alone... the strain on our marriage... feeling like a single parent... God finally answered! DH got a job within an hour from our home and it's an earlier day shift. He's usually home no later than 5:30 or 6pm now. It's done wonders for us.
I ramble on like this to say, keep praying! I'll pray for you too. I know what it's like. Hopefully your hubby can find something else or at least realize the strain he's putting on your relationship. :)

[Jojo]

Thank you Maddies Mommie! All prayers are appreciated. I did see the counselor this week and she wants me to try and get dh in. So I've been praying about how to bring him in, or to see that its okay to go in for counseling. I feel nervous suggesting a different job. I mean men id with their jobs...thats what they do!

Jojo

[jeannie]

My DH works nights too. He works in 12 hour shifts, but it flip flops. He work some days and some nights with days off in between. On his off days he's always trying to catch up on sleep. Sometimes I get aggravated because all he seems to want to do is sleep! But he's had this job for over 5 years and it pays very well. In the summer when the kids are off of school he's home during the day when I'm working and we save $ on daycare. In fact sometimes I'm ready for him to go back to work. :)

[Jojo]

My DH works nights too. He works in 12 hour shifts, but it flip flops. He work some days and some nights with days off in between. On his off days he's always trying to catch up on sleep. Sometimes I get aggravated because all he seems to want to do is sleep! But he's had this job for over 5 years and it pays very well. In the summer when the kids are off of school he's home during the day when I'm working and we save $ on daycare. In fact sometimes I'm ready for him to go back to work. :)

Hi Jeannie, My dh is off every third week, and sometimes I'm ready for him to go back to work! Most of the time it is nice to have him home that long week. He used to work alternating nights/days 12 hour shifts, but that was harder on his body than just straight nights! I just think he's burning out on nights and hasn't quite figured it out yet.

JOjo