Being a Good Mother-In-Law

[chickiebabe]

My son is marrying a young lady from Yorkshire, England this year and she has a DS age 6. I just would like any advice on being the best mother-in-law that I can be. Can anyone give me some advice?

[wingriderprincess]

Look for the reasons your son loves her and then find a few of your own ;) It's easy to be critical of the little things such as her housekeeping or cooking, ect. Stand back and let them make their own home, their own mistakes and be there if they need you, no matter what. Never, ever, talk about her to others unless you are building her up. It *will*, come back to bite you. They are *one* now and loving your sons wife unconditionally will only bring your son closer to you. How do I know? :D My dil is nothing like me but at the same time, just like me because she loves my son. What more can a mother ask for?

Enjoy!! Like me, you get a bonus grandchild! They are AWESOME!!!! :)

[gemsab]

I so agree with wingriderprincess! Have faith that your son picked the right woman for him. Be patient and "hold you tongue" even if you know you should give your opinion. Only give advice when asked. If your son seems happy and content that is all you need to be a good MIL!

[NeNe]

My ds just got married last July. Him and his wife have been together for on and off for about 5 years before the marriage. They broke up a few times but got back together. I could see why they broke up - sometimes her fault-sometimes his fault, but they eventually worked things out. All I can do is pray that from all that comes a strong love and understanding of each other. I love her like a dd and I think we are pretty close. I give her advice, encouragement and understanding because I know marriage is hard and you do have to work at it 24/7. But, I only give her advice when she asks. Sometimes giving advice when it isn't wanted isn't a good idea. I learned that from my step-daughter.

Just be there when she or they need you and assure her that you love her and her son. That will make her comfortable and give her a sense of belonging within the family.

[Kathy]

I think its awesome that you see that you can work on this relationship and you want to! "Wanting to" is a great place to start a relationship. If you had a difficult relationship with your Mother In Law, its easy to want to make sure things are different when the tables are turned and you are the MIL. I bet you will be great!

[gemsab]

I agree Kathy!. I learned how NOT to be as a MIL from my own MIL who I have been estanged from for many years now. So sad! I plan on being the best MIL I can be and just let my SIL know that he is loved and welcomed to our family.

[donna6171]

I am luck since I love my daughter-in-laws. I try not to interfere in the marriage, don't take sides, and always call before I stop over. Every time I see the, I always try to compliment them on something, whether it's a blouse or perfume. I find that by doing that, I don't see anything to find that's not what I wouldn't do. My own MIL has never treated my nicely, even after 13 years of marriage. I vowed when my boys got married not to be the same.

[Autumn Moon]

Just to add my two cents worth:

Treat her like you want her to treat you. Welcome her and her son into the family and TREAT them like family. When it comes to any gift exchange time, make sure you double count to ensure there is something for everyone. If you have other grandchildren, don't make her son feel that he is a 'visitor' or outsider and not part of the family.
Think about the relationship you had with your own MIL and learn from how you felt.
Respect her judgement, decisions, habits, methods and skills. Do not tell her to "do it this way because it's better". Do not tell her how to raise her child unless she asks. Do not tell her how to love your son unless she asks. Do not tell her how to keep her house, cook a meal, clean the clothes or anything else, unless she asks.
When I moved to this city, I moved in with my in-laws. We had a great system going. My DH worked out of town so left on Monday morning and came home Friday afternoon. I made supper every night, my FIL did all the clean up and my MIL did all the laundry. It was a great trade off.
Best of luck to you
Autumn

[Amberlou98]

I am not married, but I am a single mother of a 7 year old little boy. I would just like to encourage you in this new relationship with both your new dil and grandson. I have been engaged, and had first hand experience with boyfriend's parents who were not so gracious in wanting to get to know myself or my son. I know that being a single parent bringing a child into a marraige and new family is not easy. I'm so happy to hear that you truly want a great relationship with your new dil; and I know that as long as that is your desire you will be just fine. Best of luck! :)