What do you do to have a HAPPY marriage?

[Brennys Gramma]

My husband and I were both married before and knew that we wanted something different this time around. We also were both pretty sure that if we couldn't get it right together that we'd just continue making the same mistakes in the future.
Some things that have helped us:

*Being kind to each other (why do we use "that" tone with the one we love the most?).
* Practicing the fine art of Forgiveness - it doesn't mean you forget but that you truly let it go in your heart and don't use it to hurt in the future.
*Admitting we're wrong (this has a wonderful effect in public when we loudly proclaim "Honey, you're right!")
* Remembering that you have a choice to "Contribute or Contaminate" with everything you say and do. If things go wrong as they often do, just deal with it and move on.
*Using the phrase "I love you more than I'm mad at you"

I'd love to hear what others to do keep their marriage healthy and strong.

Pamela

[SouthDakotaSherry]

I agree with all the things you have on your list. I am also in a second marriage and we also talk about everything. My first husband did not ever want to discuss any problem, so I learned to bottle all my feelings. That is not healthy. We talk about everything. What a great feeling.

I make absolutely certain to tell him how fortunate and lucky I am on a regular basis. I want him to know how important he is to me and how much I love him. He does the same to me. When I look in the mirror, I see an overweight and greying woman. When I look in his eyes, I see a sexy, happy, vibrant woman. Wow! It is so amazing to be so loved!

[TarHeelMom]

I have been married for 28 years to my husband. We were high school sweethearts and got married when I was 19 and he was 20.
We have never gone to bed mad. We decided on our wedding night that we would never go to bed mad and so far we haven't. We have always set aside time for just us. We still have dates and go to the movies and out to eat. We go on vacations with just the 2 of us so we have time alone. We have three girls and of course we go on family vacations too but I feel to have a happy healthy marriage you and your spouse need that alone time. I email my husband special cards real often to let him know how much I love and appreciate him. He sends me flowers every now and then and tells me how much he appreciates me and loves me. Sometimes he has bought me a special piece of jewlry for no reason at all and we will go out for a romantic dinner and he will give it to me. So just the little things that you do can help your marriage and love life stay alive. I love my husband now more than the day I married him. Our love grows stronger every day. :)

[spasmo]

I have been happily married for 22 years. I would say some of the big things that keep our marriage strong are:
-we live life remembering that we made a choice to be together
-we dont put others in front of each other
-we laugh A LOT... this is easy because we are both goofy
-we talk to each other (as best friends do)
-when we are upset we dont attack each other we solve the problem
-we support each other's dreams
-we respect our differces and view them strategically as a combined strengths... this leads to tradeoffs
and most imporantly...
-we dont take each other for granted... we find ways to let each other know how much we love each other.

[lilorphann]

My hubby and I have been together since 1988 (when we had our 1st child) and we married in 1990. We are happy because we believe and trust in one another. We are honest about our feelings and never second guess or doubt the other.

We make time to "date" each other on a regular basis. Regardless of what is going on we always take the time for each other.

[tanner413]

We have fun and laugh alot.
We have to let certain things roll off our shoulders.
Never lie about important things (money, being faithful, where we are going, etc).
We support each other.
We love each other unconditionally!!!

[billsmrs]

I agree with everything that has been said.

This is my 2nd marriage and my husband's first. We sat down together and talked about what we wanted in life and what we expected from each other. We agreed to not go to bed mad and that we would talk about everything and not jump to conclusions. When it comes to children we would raise them in a loving home with firm discipline and make sure we spend time with them as well. For us anyway this has worked wonderfully. He is my best friend and I am so lucky to have him in my life.

[trixie]

Friendship first. My husband is my best friend. I have learned that there will be strife and sometimes even tragedy, so the lust and the passions will not seem so important. But friendship will see you through anything.

[Camper]

I fully agree with you Trixie. My husband is my very best friend in the whole world!! We will be married 30 years in June. The other thing we do is to bend over backwards to take care of each other, waiting on each other hand and foot. Sounds like work but really its worth it because it is great to be waited on. And remember to thank each other. If someone does something nice you don't think twice about sending a note. But if your husband does the dishes or makes the bed do you thank him?? I always make sure he knows how much I appreciate whatever he does....and he does the same. Even if it as simple as making supper. :queen:

[thediamondlady]

My husband and I both function in the real world when we have been able to spend time together. he drives truck and so i spend lots of time there with him.
but this was 2nd marriages for both os us. we learned to talk and express our needs and we learned to listen.

We remember why we got married --a nd he is still my boyfriend and I am still his girlfriend.

There are nights that we lay and bed being silly seeing how many names we can come up with for each other.

man does that bed get crowded with all these people here.
wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, friend, soul mate, partner,

you get the idea.

showing appriciation for each other

[Mykhal Jaems]

DH & I consider ourselves very fortunate to have found each other.

We are each other's best friend and we are always finding time to just sit and talk with each other. We don't go to bed mad, and we always snuggle. We are both snuggle bugs, and this is when we seem to have our best conversations. We always tell each other "I love you." We are each others best cheer leader. We also support each other's goals and dreams.

And we laugh and joke with each other all the time. It's hard to take yourself too seriously when you are laughing b/c of something funny you did or said.

DH is my best friend and I'm so happy to share my life with him.

[3and3and3]

My husband an I are both working on are 3rd, yes 3rd,marriage. I say "working" but it's really very simple. We have constant lines of communication. It doesn't matter what it is. If it is of interest to one of us, we discuss it.
If he does something to annoy me,I tell him right then. This goes both ways. Nothing is kept in, it only makes it worse.
I respect his space and he respects mine.
We live, love and laugh together, but we respect each others alone time too.
Many of his coworkers are mortified when I call him to say I'm going out. We trust each other. You can't love without trust.
I know some of this sounds weird, but it's 3 am and it makes sense before I try to type it.
Bottom line....we fit.

[Bobinator]

After 30 years here's my thoughts:

Honesty
Fair Play
Trust
Honor
Lots of Laughter
Praise
Value each other's opinions
Sharing
Hugs, Lots of those
Saying "I love you" in the morning before each goes to work, even when you don't want to.

I have had to learn over the years that my husband's feelings really DID matter and how he felt did too! We try to practice all of the above. My children will tell you that it's uncanny how well their dad and I know each other and can also tell you that they came from a home where above all else love mattered the most.

Bobbie :)

[ReBelle]

My DH and I have been together for over 20 years and he is my best friend. The one thing I do every day no matter what, is find one thing about my DH that I am thankful for.
And I make sure to tell him.

[snugglebuns_h]

I think the thing I have learned in marriage is to let the small stuff slide. I'm not too good at this, but when I do, it really helps the marriage. :)

Plus, I've learned its about give and take.

Finally, my DH is not the best at reading me, and so I've found that if I need/want/expect something from him, I need to tell him! Otherwise, if I say I want "nothing" for my birthday, that's just what I'll get!!! :)

[lolee8]

I definitely agree on the best friend thing. My husband is my best friend, and I have seen that that seems to get us through all the hard times. When we aren't feeling passionate, or the little things get irritating, we always can fall back on the fact that we are best friends!

[Lisaanne2]

- Compromise
- once a month have a day just to us
- we always come first
- others opinion isnt more important than ours
-we talk
- make sure we know all the time how specialy each other are.

[hockeygirl]

Remember when fighting/disagreeing/discussing it not about who's fault it is, no matter how much you think it's the other person's fault. It's about expressing your feelings and how/what the other person did to make you feel that way. For example, "I feel disrespected when you forget to put the toliet seat down." Instead of "You forgot to put the toliet seat down, again!"

Try it...it works.

[celtictigeress]

We try to spend time together, which is hard because my husband works 60-70 hours weeks. A few years ago we went to a resort area during the off season. Hardly anyone else was there. We rediscovered each other during that long weekend and it was magical. By the time we went home we had remembered why we're such good friends and so happy to be married to each other. Even if it's just a day trip, spending time without anyone else around to get in the way really rejuvenates our relationship. ;)

[LuvMaui]

We have been married for almost 23 years. We have had a couple bumps, but 98% very happy.

I don't know exactly why our marriage is so wonderful.. but I do know that my Husband treats me like a princess and I will always be his Girlfriend. ;)

[Baby_Doll]

I think I was lucky growing up in a house full of guys and all their friends. I listened to everything they said (even when I wasn't supposed to be listening) because they were my heroes. I learned at a young age that guys hate nagging women, petty "girl" drama and housework. I also learned that they love real home cooked meals, sports, a night out with the guys, and sex. I came to love and hate these same things, so me and hubby naturally get along. Which just makes him want to do the things that please me also. It's all about give and take.

[Dani1]

DH & I have been together almost 14yrs (married 11) & I agree with what everyone has said but I would like to add one more: We accept each other as we are.. I let him be him & he lets me be me. Good, bad or ugly, we keep in mind why we married in the first place!

[Frizzledfroggy]

Hi everyone!

I was reading everyones post and they all make sense. I am a newly wed. I have been a little married over a year. he was married before this is my first.

Anyways. My friends gave me some marriage tips at my bridal shower.

1. Never go to bed angry.
2. Always talk to each other.
3. Make time for each other.
4. Laugh often.

I think the most important factor is communication. I am still learning about marriage. I love every minute of it though!