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There are no guarantees in life. Life is not fair. Sometimes life sucks.
These are messages we need to teach our children. When someone dies too young, when Junior gets a smaller piece of cake or when Susie ends up in the class with the nasty teachers, sometimes the only answer is that life is not fair. It isn’t, and kids have to learn to deal with that.
But, wait a minute. First we need to learn. The more I read about all kinds of new technology and fancy gizmos to ease our parenting job, they seem to be telling us that there can be guarantees. If we just buy the right assortment of electronic equipment our kids will be safe.
It all starts with an increasingly wide range of equipment for parents with babies. The simple baby monitor which was developed as our houses got bigger and we just couldn’t hear baby cry from the family room seems simplistic when you really start to shop.
Now a fancy device will record your baby’s cry and tell you the cause. No need to guess, the Why Cry will let you know whether the cause is hunger, boredom or a wet diaper. No need to get to know your baby and her cries, technology will take over. Any parent will tell you that although, at first, all their baby’s cries sound the same, they soon learn to tell the difference. And it’s in this learning; in really paying attention to your newborn that a strong relationship develops. When we work to get to know this new little person, we become attached and this is the basis for our relationship with her for the rest of our lives. No machine can replace that. What a silly idea! And what’s the point? You still have to go to your baby and care for her, so how is this device easing your life?
Once baby is mobile you can strap on a monitor and if he goes beyond a certain range an alarm will sound. Huh? What about holding his hand? How about watching him? Is the assumption that he can only get in trouble if he wanders beyond the perimeter we have set? That’s a stretch. A curious toddler can get into all sorts of mischief two inches from your leg. Toddlers need to be in safe environments which allow them to explore, and when they are out with you they need to learn to stay by your side. An alarm will give you a false sense of security; you don’t need to watch him, he’s alarmed.
And now the latest in the series of equipment is the cell phone with the ability to track our kids, Called Seek and Find it uses a Bell Mobility GPS (Global Position Satellite) to track the user. So the parent who gives the phone to their teen to check that he’s where he says he is indicates that we expect guarantees.
The message is that there are guarantees in life. If we just buy enough electronic equipment our kids will be safe. Of course the kids bent on fooling their parents or just wanting a bit of privacy will turn off the phone or re-program it. I can just see kids going to school, putting their phone in their locker, then skipping out.
Another lesson we need to teach our kids is that the foundation of all healthy relationships is trust.
For parents a GPS finder is seen as a security device. For kids, the message is that you don’t trust them. You don’t trust them to be where they said they’ll be.
Technology will never replace good old-fashioned parenting. Parents worry about their kids, and that’s just the reality. Like stretch marks and sleepless nights, worry comes along with the job and technology is not going to make it go away.
Teaching our children how to be responsible, how to make decisions, how to problem-solve are excellent ways to help keep them safe. Opening the lines of communication, listening and talking are ways to create a safe and trustworthy family environment.
Bottom-line, there are no guarantees. All we can do is our best. We will worry and slowly but surely still have to let our kids go and have faith that all of our time and effort in helping them develop good judgment and a sense of responsibility will work to keep them safe.
About the Author: Kathy Lynn is Canada's leading speaker on parenting and family issues
Over three decades of speaking to parents and professionals about kids and families, Kathy has helped thousands of Moms and Dads become better parents and has made a big difference in the lives of children.
She is author of Who’s in Charge Anyway? and But Nobody Told Me I’d Ever Have to Leave Home. She also writes a regular column in Canada’s national magazine Today's Parent Magazine and in local community newspapers.
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