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By Lindsey Meier
In marriage, disagreements of any sort can be upsetting, and the family bank account is no exception. Just think how happy you and your husband would be if there were no more money squabbles. Learning to get along financially is a big challenge, but well worth every effort. Try viewing financial differences as a chance to strengthen your marriage. Reaching a resolution will improve your communication skills as well as your personal character.
Get The Money Out On The Table.
You and your hubby probably already talk about money, but no doubt some of those discussions are less than productive. When you feel upset about the finances, don't take it out on him, instead talk it out with him. Try getting the issue out in the open in a strategic sort of way. Approach money conversations with a business attitude. Pretend that you and your husband are the joint Chief Financial Officers for a booming corporation -and you just happen to be in love. Be sure to keep the conversation free of finger-pointing. Instead of criticism, offer counsel. Your unique sweetness and insight are characteristics that drew your man to you to begin with, so why not use them to make money one of his favorite things to talk with you about?
Formulate Family Fiscal Policy
Make honesty and full-disclosure official policies. Always be completely honest about money with your husband. A secret bank account can take a vulnerable marriage to the courts, and little exaggerations about just how good a deal something was will hurt your husband's trust for you when he finds the receipt. So if it was 30% off, don't say it was 75% off. If you need help holding each other accountable, try refrigerator finance reform. Get two big magnetic clips and stick them to the fridge. Then post your receipts throughout the week and ask him to do the same. Neither of you will be wondering where all the money went, you'll be able to tell how much needs to be budgeted for each expense, and as a bonus, returns will be a breeze.
Give Thanks
When you feel the need to shop, don't just check the bank account, check your attitude. Do you feel thankful for the ability to buy what you need, or do you feel entitled to buy whatever you want? If you find yourself justifying a new cell-phone, stylish dress, and a great new hair style because your husband just upgraded his laptop, then you are likely not to be satisfied by your purchases. When buying something becomes a sovereign right, the joy of thankfulness is voided, and discontentment soon follows along with the desire to buy even more.
Instead of feeding the “I Deserve It” monster, consider the specialness of what you spend your money on, and be thankful that you can afford to buy things. Let your husband know that you are thankful for your new blouse, and you really are glad that your family can afford to buy the kids school supplies. You will ease much of the financial stress by developing a sense of thankfulness in place of entitlement. As a plus, your husband will find your gratefulness irresistibly adorable, and will probably want to take you out to dinner.
Reach for Mutual Satisfaction
If your sweetheart gives you money troubles despite your best efforts to work things out, be patient. Give him respect and encouragement.
If his spending habits are way out of control, maybe he needs a little motivation. Calculate the numbers and cheerfully show him how much faster the mortgage could be paid off if you only saved so much more a month. Talk about how much you saved by cooking at home all week, pack him a big lunch so he doesn't have to eat out, and plan free entertainment that you know he will enjoy. If he is painfully stingy, don't let yourself become resentful. Try to understand where he is coming from, and recognize why he is handling the finances so cautiously. Outlaw nagging and shaming, because they simply do not make you or your husband any happier.
Whatever the disagreement is, remember that until you are both happy, a true resolution hasn't been reached. This is a marriage, not the United Nations. Avoid burning your husband at the stake, but at the same time, don't be a martyr yourself. Coming to a mutual understanding may take sacrifices from both of you, but don't let either of you sacrifice your marital satisfaction just so the money issue can be settled. By talking openly about money matters and cultivating a thankful attitude, you and your husband can not only come to a true resolution, your relationship will be strengthened and your appreciation for each other will soar.
Lindsey Meier lives in Texas with the love of her life and their two children. Between diaper changing and dish-washing she enjoys writing, reading and art. Lindsey and her husband aim to live productively and purposefully but don't mind having a little fun along the way.
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