By Lindsey Meier
Do You Need New Family?
Most everyone is blessed with special people in their lives on whom they can rely. Moms and dads, grandparents, brothers and sister, aunts and uncles, cousins, and close friends are meant to stick together for life and form a supportive family that nurtures and cares for one another. Sometimes, though, these relationships fail to be supportive, and other times we find ourselves so many miles apart that it becomes difficult to be there for each other. When this happens, it may be time to form new family relationships with local folks that you may not actually be related to. If you long for a sister to go shopping with, or your children need nearby grandparents to invite to music recitals, or you are spending a blue Christmas season all by your lonesome, then let the search for your new family begin.
Oh Sister Where Art Thou?
Like finding a lost relative, searching for new extended family may take some time. With little spare time and few connections it could be a daunting task. Don't dismay, though, there are other people in your neighborhood who are looking to connect with special people just like you are. Knowing where to look can be helpful. Hot spots for relationships can be found on almost any city street, and we're not talking bars or discos. Churches, neighborhood recreation centers, special interest groups and philanthropic clubs, and non-profit organizations seeking volunteers are full of people wanting to connect with other like-minded people. Many churches host special groups like MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers), singles fellowships, seniors groups, and children's clubs like AWANAS. Online services like
www.meetup.com can help you find people in your area sharing your interests that you might otherwise never find.
Building And Bonding
Finding special people is a great step towards extending your family, but sometimes it takes special efforts to secure a family-like relationship. Acting too close too soon may scare off your new-found loved ones, so keep your secrets to yourself and refrain from pressuring them to come to family events. Do invite them over, remember their birthdays, and let them know that they are special. When you find someone whom your family is drawn to, find out what their small needs are and try to help them like you would if they really were your mother or sister or uncle. The sweet widow at church might need a ride to the hairdresser, and she might offer to help care for your baby so you can do some work around the house. Take your new friends up on their offers of kindness, even if it doesn't seem like exactly what you need. If they don't mind, let your children call them Aunt Alicia or Grandpa Johnny, and don't forget to give your new Cousin Ronald a Christmas gift. The little things that family do for each other, like short phone calls just to say “hi,” and casual gatherings are what can build familial intimacy within your community.
Sticking Together
Your biological family is far from perfect, so expect imperfections within your “adopted” family, too. Avoid unrealistic expectations, and be forgiving if your new grandparents don't always fill the void like you may desire. If someone whom you have treated as family turns out to be a poor fit for your original family, or lies or abuses the special relationship you have extended to them, you shouldn't feel obligated to stay with them for life as with a blood or legal family member. While realizing that people may sometimes fail you, never let the fear of being hurt keep you from the joy of enjoying good family-like friendships. Start reaching out and loving your neighbors. You may find your big happy family awaiting you somewhere in your neighborhood.
Lindsey Meier lives in Texas with the love of her life and their two children. Between diaper changing and dish-washing she enjoys writing, reading and art. Lindsey and her husband aim to live productively and purposefully but don't mind having a little fun along the way.
