|
by Lee Ann Sontheimer Murphy
From her front porch, my Granny surveyed her street and her corner of the world. She greeted neighbors as they came and went. The mail carrier knew her name and often paused long enough to drink a tall glass of sweet iced tea or a cup of coffee. Her friends and relatives often dropped by to visit and to talk.
In those same good old days, my mother settled into her armchair each evening and made phone calls to her mother, to her mother-in-law, and often her sister or one of her sister-in-laws. She listened to them and they gave her an ear when she needed to talk.
Finding An Ear in a Cyber Space World
The world has changed. Although we’re all connected with cell phones, pagers, E-mail, instant messaging, traditional telephones, and more, we don’t stay connected. Life stays in the fast lane for most of us. We’re connected yet we are often alone. Even at the small neighborhood grocery store I often visit, a recent trip found the owner talking on a cell phone as he rang up my order. I couldn’t object – I had just answered a call on my own cell so the transaction happened without a shared word.
In such a cyber world, we are in constant communication but sometimes we lack what we need most: someone to listen. An ear to hear as we air our worries, our grievances, or sing praises is vital to our psyche and to our emotional health.
Finding someone to listen isn’t difficult. Begin close to home. If you don’t have open lines of communication with a spouse, start a conversation. Find time to talk about the little things and to share feelings about the common events. Reconnect and gain a confidant.
If your family doesn’t dine together, return to the traditional evening meal where the family gathers around the table. Encourage children and teens to talk about their day. Share stories about what happened and talk about your own childhood events if they connect to something current. A lively conversation strengthens families and provides everyone with an outlet. Knowing that someone listens validates relationships and makes everyone feel connected.
Try phoning family and friends more often. E-mail communication is marvelous. It allows me to stay in touch with relatives around the globe, with family members that I might not be able to keep up with if it wasn’t for cyber space. Words on a screen, however, are not the same as a warm, caring voice on the other end of a phone line. Too often, e-mail communications become an exchange of jokes or messages rather than true connection.
Other Options to make personal contact
If you work at home – as I do – or are isolated for other reasons, seek out others who can listen. New residents to a city or region may feel very alone. Get out and meet others. If you have yet to make friends and family members are far distant but you need an ear to hear you, seek out a member of the clergy or engage a neighbor in conversation about his dahlias or vegetable garden.
Churchgoers may want to share their feelings with a pastor or perhaps someone from the congregation. Other places where it’s possible to find a listener include social clubs, local taverns, a small café, or even the local library.
In a small Mississippi town, I once dined in a family restaurant that reserved one table for locals. As we enjoyed our meal, I watched diverse individuals come and go from “the table” where each one was able to interact with others. Every restaurant should have such a table.
Meet other parents at your child’s school or at the park. Parenting offers a common ground where friendship might grow.
Get acquainted with co-workers and cultivate friendships outside the workplace if you find some common chords.
If an emotional load grows too much to carry alone or you have a desperate need to connect, check local phone listings for hotlines. Most cities and many small towns offer some type of twenty-four hour services where you can connect with someone.
For people of faith, prayer is another way to communicate and to unburden feelings. A traditional Yiddish proverb says, “From your mouth to God’s ear” and may provide comfort for those who lack someone to hear them.
In a world of online communication, limited personal contact, and busy lives, it’s vital to find someone who can listen. Open your own ears and heart to others and find someone to hear – and to care.
|
 |
